Dear Lactnetter,

This mother has been in contact with me and has asked me to post the
information below (which I have already responded to).  If you have any
suggestions for her, respond to her, not to me.  Thanks.

-----Original Message-----
From: [log in to unmask] [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: October 4, 2000 3:07 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: (no subject)


Dear Dr Newman-
I am not subcribed to LACTNET and was wondering if you could forward my
letter to this list.
I have copied it below ( i sent it to you about a month ago)
Thankyou
Tania Berlow



> Dear Dr Newman,
> I wrote to you a month ago asking about the use of ssri's during
> breastfeeding.
> Thankyou for the advice and most of all the support .
> i needed to have someone remind me why i am still breastfeeding my child
as
> during depression nothing seems worthwhile.
> i am feeling much better but wondered if you had any other suggestions for
my
> continuing situation..
> The reason for my depression and anxiety are mainly over issues
surrounding
> the father of my child who i left when i was pregnant.He is american and I
am
> british and i moved back to britain when i left him.
> He is currently seeking court ordered contact with my daughter.
> below is a letter i typed to the attachment parenting network in
> britain(Natural Nurturing Network or NNN) of which i have been a member
since
> pregnancy (and believer in ap principles for many years).If after reading
the
> below  you have any suggestions please contact me . I do not know of any
> advocates in Britain who would be able to show how overnight contacts may
> interrupt a breastfeeding relationship nor how to reference the benefits
of
> attachment parenting as regards her emotional well-being and security and
how
> being away from me who has been providing the security and nourishment may
be
> detrimental to her.
> I am not opposssed to overnight visits (would love my first lie in for two
> years!)but feel that she is not ready becasue she is still nursing (child
led)
> Thankyou
> Tania.....please read below
>
> Dear NNNers,
> I am looking for anyone who thinks they can offer me advise or support
> through thier own personal (or anecdotal!) stories.
> The father of my child is seeking contact and for the last 6 months i have
> been agreeing to one week a month with no overnight stays.(3 days with
him,
> one with me, three with him)Until she was 18months old she had not met him
> and I had hoped that it would remain that way.
> The contact as it is arranged now has prooved stressful as my daughter
does
> not see me for three days straight and i feel that it takes a week to get
> back into the groove with her.He picks her up at 9.30 am and brings her
back
> at 7.30pmish although i have told him to make it earlier so we can bathe
and
> talk etc before sleeping.She is often really grumpy and wants to go to bed
> the moment she comes home or she is really hyped and/ or insecure and
needs
> to sit up and be with me until 11pm.
> She will be 2 at the end of October and I'd describe her as outgoing and
> confident.
> He is now pushing for more contact and i am opposed.
> We do NOT have an amicable relationship and his presence makes me very
> uncomfortabel as i feel he is bullying, controlling and manipulative
.these
> are the reasons i left him in the first place.
> My lawyer has said that the courts will undoubtably "award'`him the usual
> British scenario which is every second weekend and one day during the
> week.However, the weekends means overnight visits two nights in a row.
> As an NNN member I do not feel a need to go into my parenting practices as
> they are probably similar to everyone elses...she is still nursing
although I
> have chosen to cut it back somewhat in these last 6 months as i have been
> very stressed out and depressed.
> and of course we share a bed.
> I would like to know how other people children have fared in similar
> situations and if there is anyone out there who managed to convince a
court
> that their alternative parenting style was what their child was used to
and
> therefore it would not be in the childs best interests to have overnight
> contact until she indicated, either verbally or by showing that she was no
> longer night nursing ,that she was ready
> I have little hope that the court will take nursing and bed sharing into
> consideration so any stories about how you prepare a two year old for this
> kind of seperation would be much appreciated too.
> Thankyou
> Tania in Dorset
> (01305 871 628)

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