In those cultures which have post-partum sex taboos, it means the woman must
abstain from sex with anybody -- and it means any kind of sexual activity.
Usually, it is explained as being the "heat" of passion and the semen that
can enter into and contaminate the breast milk, thereby making the baby
sick.  The husband may be quite free to go have sex elsewhere, starting with
his other wife or wives, girlfriends, prostitutes, and including
masturbation.  That all just depends on the specific culture.  However, you
need to realize that the focus people in western cultures put on sex and
sexual gratification is not a cultural universal.  There are many many
cultures where women don't have orgasms, there is little to no foreplay of
any kind, and sex is a quick "scratch that itch" kind of thing for the men
and of little enjoyment at all for the woman.  And no one cares.  In my book
Dancing Skeletons I talk about how the women don't really care that their
clitorises are removed in childhood because sex is usually quick and without
preamble or post-coital cuddling, and even if they had clitorises, there is
little chance they would be stimulated enough to reach orgasm.  And no one
cares.  They have much more important things to worry about, like getting
food on the table, and the survival and health of their children.  Karl
Heider's book about the Dani of highland New Guinea talks at some length
about the difference in attention and importance placed on sex in various
cultures.  The Dani, you may recall, are the ones who nurse for two years,
but don't have sex for 5 years after the birth of each child.  And no one
seems to be overly concerned about it.

Just like our culture teaching us that breasts are sexy, so it teaches us
that sex is something big and important and a prerequisite to a happy life.
This is culturally learned, not innate.  Yes, we all have sexual desires,
and as Rachel points out, some more than others regardless of whether they
are pregnant or lactating or not, and it depends on your age and your
hormone levels, etc.  But it also depends in huge part on your cultural
teaching.  It wasn't that long age that women in Western cultures were not
thought to have any sexual urges, and their pleasure was not important --
wives "doing their duty" for their husbands were urged to turn their faces
to the wall and "Think of the queen."  The cult of sex is relatively recent,
and limited mostly to western cultures.

Kathy Dettwyler

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