Joyce writes:

>She did
>(finally) call me, right?  So that does indicate she may be open to my
>suggestions.

Not necessarily.  There is certainly a lot more going on here than you can
know or do anything about. I have encountered cases like this and usually
the woman is calling a number of people, relaying all that she has done and
asking, "what next?" with no intention of following through with the
suggestions.  There is nothing I can say that will resolve this client's
dilemma. She doesn't trust her own inner guidance, nor anyone else's guidance.

I worked with a mom recently of a similar frame of mind.  In the beginning
(child #2) she wanted help with sore nipples.  We resolved that with
positioning, but the soreness returned. She tried cranio-sacral treatments
and that resolved the soreness.  Then came yeast overgrowth, which Mom
wouldn't treat fully.  Then there were colic symptoms, seeming to stem from
diet and/or yeast.  Mom didn't stick with dietary restrictions for more
than a couple of days.   Then there was sleep deprivation and anxiety in
mom, treated with medication and a week of doula service. The latest is
repeated ear infections with baby being on abx for 2 months, followed now
by yeast overgrowth. (She even bought the family a puppy somewhere in all
of this! She now sees this as a mistake.)

She just CAN'T go off dairy because, "I gave up my job, I've given up all
of my time, this baby is hanging on me all of the time, I get no sleep, and
the one last thing that I do for myself is a cup of yogurt in the morning."
 After further discussion, she says that she drinks a quart of milk, eats
cheese throughout the day, in addition to the beloved yogurt.  She craves
dairy products all of the time.

Know why she is still breastfeeding this baby?  Her little brother died of
SIDS and she could not live with herself if she weaned before 1 year and
her baby died in the same way.  She read about the reduced risk with BF
before she had her first baby. Baby is now 7 months old. (...and counting.)

This woman doesn't say, "Yes, but...", just ,"No."

She has MANY problems beyond the scope of lactation consultant.  For
starters, her husband didn't want children and she made a deal with him,
before the first pregnancy, that she would be full care-taker of the baby,
and that his life wouldn't be interrupted at all, including her as regular
all-day golfing partner.  She seemed to be able to manage with one child,
but this new one has tipped everything to the impossible, I guess.

Now, if I didn't know this whole history from my work with her first baby,
I might be putting many hours into working to resolve her many present
problems thinking that they are, in fact, resolvable and about
breastfeeding .  I gave her the name of an MD who works well with yeast, I
gave her the name of the doula service, I advised her about dairy
sensitivity and finding foods she might like, I gave her the name of the OT
who does C-S work, but I don't let her lack of follow-through keep me on
the phone, nor awake at night.  And I NEVER call back to see how things are
going.

I feel very sorry for her, but I know my limitations in this case.  Leslie
Ayre-Jaschke's post has a very helpful perspective on such cases, and as
she says, "I have decided that I have only limited time and energy, and
that I choose to use it where I feel I can make the biggest difference."

Joyce, get away and enjoy yourself, and know that if things don't go well
with this family, it is not because you or the other LC didn't know enough
or do enough.

Patricia Gima, IBCLC
Milwaukee




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