I'd just like to point out we've moved from not enjoying, to hating, in 
two posts, with no feed back from the original poster.

I didn't have any feelings about breastfeeding for the first 9 months.  
It was just what I did to feed the baby.  I'm rather alarmed to hear 
that not enjoying it, is now linked to the damage I did my son by 
showing my obvious hatred of it.  I'm quite annoyed by him right now, as 
I type, actually.  He's latched one and swinging my boobs around as if 
he was on a trapeze wire.  Would my life on the computer be easier if he 
was weaned?  Damned yes.  Am I going to force his weaning?  Dammed no.

It's not what we do, it's how we do it.  I breastfed in exactly the same 
way I changed nappies.  With a smile on my face, and the occasional 
"OUCH! don't to that!"  And like most mothers, the occasional rage that 
the damn baby was hungry again!!!!!!!  And that's nothing to do with how 
you feed it, and everything to do with baby's needs.  Just like I do 
snark at him now when he's IN THE WAY!!!!!

The point isn't my level of enjoyment - the point is my commitment to my 
son's future.   Under this ethos, no baby would be born, as mother's 
generally don't enjoy pregnancy or labour! 

It's not about selling an endearing package of child love and wonder.  
That doesn't always happen, and it rarely happens for the first few 
weeks anyway.  It takes time to fall in love with your own baby (as 
opposed to know you'd kill/die for it - different thing.)  We all do 
things we find hard work, in order to achieve.

Breastfeeding can be just the same - damn hard work that requires work 
and determination, and putting our own feelings aside for the baby's 
future.  We don't all feel the magic, and some women never get to the 
magic before they have weaned - it has always remained as just something 
you do to feed the baby.

And I'd argue that a woman who is genuinely adverse to breastfeeding, 
needs support to do it more than any others - for bottle feeding will 
make it harder to overcome her own fears and feelings, on behalf of the 
baby, and she's much more likely to end up feeling distanced and 
depressed.  Again, we've moved from women who are choosing to refuse for 
some feeling of not being put out, to babies growing up hated, and 
uber-sympathy for a women not able to breastfeed and feeling ashamed, in 
two posts!!!!

The mother scared of the intimacy and dependency of breastfeeding, needs 
more support to see that it's her baby's needs, that should be looked 
at, if she can put her own to one side.  After all, every time she 
breastfeeds, she's going to get a hormone that makes her feel good!  
That physicality is going to transferred to the baby too.  Allowing her 
to blindly choose to refuse and thus helping her along the path of 
feeling more distanced from her baby... can't see a world in which that 
is helping.  And, incidentally, not a path the original poster chose, as 
the post was about how to present information to this mother.

Breastfeeding can be hard work and annoying.  So what?  Things that are 
hard work and annoying, often bring the greatest sense of acheivement.

Mothers get annoyed with their babies and their kids for all sorts of 
things - including pouring bottles of ketchup on the cat.  That's not 
reason to never have kids!  :-)  Just like not being sure you are going 
to like breasfteeding, is no reason to refuse your baby your breast.  
Sometimes, it's the mother that sucks it up.  :-)

Morgan Gallagher

Karleen,
>> I think it's good for mothers to enjoy breastfeeding but I don't see a
>> problem if they don't. There's lots of babycare that's usually done 
>> as an
>> obligation (like changing nappies for instance) because it's what babies
>> need. Why should breastfeeding be any different?
>>
> Marit Olanders wrote:

> I don't think it serves the baby that the parent dislikes any of the 
> baby care details. I feel really uncomfortable when I hear two parents 
> argue about who's turn it is to change the smelly nappy, or when I 
> hear a parent tell her baby, while changing, that it smells yucky. 
> Rachel puts this a lot better. Anyway I think bottle-feeding with love 
> serves the baby better there and then  than breastfeeding and hating 
> it. An angry care-giver (for whatever the reason) doesn't send out 
> cues of unconditional love.


No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com 
Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.0/1602 - Release Date: 8/9/2008 1:22 PM

             ***********************************************

Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
COMMANDS:
1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome