Hi Jeanette

You are sensitive to realise that the mother needs affirmation of her own
mothering talents, and that she does not want to hear of foster babies
getting donor milk.  From her letter, it seems that she has not perceived
any problems in her foster babies using artificial milk, and she is
affronted by the negative comparison with breast milk.

I think that only the nicest kind of "grateful for feedback" letter (without
too much instruction) will do in this case.  After all, all the information
that you would like to present is on your lovely website.  You can
acknowledge that your website does not address those rare cases where the
mother is not available, and where wonderful volunteers like her make use of
the best tools they have to ameliorate the sad start that these babies have
had.  You can probably think of a way to say that your site is only
comparing breast milk with formula milk; if we had to compare colas instead
of formula, then we would really be talking about child abuse!

Perhaps you could also say that you understand her distress at not finding
information specific to her situation. Highlight that your mission (and the
best use of government money) is to provide information to the majority of
women who are birth mothers and who can provide breast milk.  Breastfeeding
is an important mothering tool, and an important factor in child health,
impacting on public health spending, so you are obliged to give out that
information.

Is there any site where you can direct her for more useful information in
her situation?   There seems to be a  dearth of information and support
given to foster mothers, and perhaps you can thank the mother for the
wake-up call :-)  as well as thank her for her vital role in helping
society's abandoned little souls.  A sandwich letter of thanks and
encouragement to the woman, with a thin layer of meat on why you need to
spend money on breastfeeding promotion - a sentence or two, not a defensive
treatise.  :-)

It occurs to me that wherever we come right out and say breastfeeding is
wonderful, we find a group of people who are deeply hurt by that.  We go
round and round about how to present this without offence, but in the end, I
guess, we realise that we can't be all things to all people, and have to
support the beneficial norm.

Best wishes
Jacquie  Nutt IBCLC
www.milkmatters.org


> Today I received an e-mail from a foster mom - who said "this is such a
> waste of money" about our state breastfeeding website...
> www.cdph.ca.gov/healthinfo/healthyliving/childfamily/Pages/CommonQuestions.aspx
>
> "What do you tell the foster mothers that raise and care for their foster
> babies?  Why are these foster- mothers adopting these children and keeping
> these very sick babies alive with that terrible formula?  You make women
> feel guilty if women choose not to breastfeed.  Don't be silly, good
> mothering is the answer not whether you breast or bottle feed."

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