Amy Kotler's post describing a day in the life of a new baby which deviated
from the plan she and the mother had made, raises some good questions.
There is a possibility that the mother never intended to BF exclusively, but
didn't feel she could say that to someone as enthusiastic about BF as her
pediatrician.  It's not always easy for a person in hospital to feel
empowered enough to say what they really think.
It is entirely possible that it actually was the mother who instructed the
nurses about what to do that night.  It is also possible that the nursing
staff willfully sabotaged the plan made by Amy and the mother.  And it could
be just an unfortunate example of bad communication between the mother and
the nursing staff.
Amy, if I were you, I would just ask the mother 'How did it go last night?'
or 'How is the baby feeding?' or something else couched in neutral language,
that doesn't make it obvious you are aware of the deviation from the plan
you thought you'd agreed on.  That might give her the opening to tell you
she's upset with the nurses for not respecting the plan, or that she decided
she'd rather try to get some sleep the first night, or something else
informative.
When I work with mothers who are facing obstacles to breastfeeding (I
wouldn't put this mother in that category, apart from having given birth in
a not very BF-savvy hospital), I try very hard to get across at the outset
that I am there for the mother, she is NOT there for me.  I will stand by
her and give her whatever help I can as long as she wants it, and I tell her
I am perfectly comfortable with whatever decision she makes, whether that be
to drop the whole idea of BF five minutes after she leaves my office, or to
try every trick there is and then some, to get her baby fully nourished at
her breast even if it takes months.  I ask them to let me know how it goes,
no matter what the outcome.  Some mothers feel an unbearable pressure to
breastfeed for our sakes, and I don't think that ever helps matters.  Ever.
It is vital for a good relationship with a health care provider that the
mother know she is respected as an adult who can make her own decisions
(unless she has been declared incompetent by the relevant authorities!).
If the nursing staff did not follow the plan made by the mother, there are
sure to be channels for dealing with such matters, and they should be used.
Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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