And an oldie from Helen Armstrong.

Show me a parent in North America who does not feel guilty about something
or other, and I will add this sighting to my life list of rare birds.

For most of us, guilt goes along with being a parent, because we have
internalized messages that we should meet extremely (maybe impossibly) high
standards in every aspect of the task. Yet we know that we are usually just
muddling through as best we can, kicking the dirty socks under something,
and dishing up what's easy instead of supernutritious on the harried days.

Cultures exist where muddling through is OK. There are also cultures where
anything that goes seriously wrong with the infant is due either to malign
outside influences (e.g. the evil eye of a jealous neighbor, or a demon) or
to the child being intrinsically weak or flawed (e.g. a bad seed, as I have
heard it expressed by a farmer mother from an agricultural setting.) These
beliefs may be psychic survival mechanisms for parents with very little
control of economic, social, and political resources, so they have of
necessity a "what happens is what happens" attitude.

Maybe we overdo guilt in North America generally? Do we need to officially
inform parents that muddling along also has a time-honored role and is
vital to survival?

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