I agree, Petra.

I have long abandoned that phrase, because I have seen the effect of it.

It is really pointless to argue about whether 
it's true that we can 'make' people feel 'guilty' 
or not....so what if the 
guilt/sadness/bitterness/anger may be mostly 
internal?   I think there is a lot we have yet to 
discover about the psychodynamics, the 
psychosomatics, and the endocrinology of not 
breastfeeding and/or early weaning.

Whatever. Women struggling with breastfeeding, 
women who have struggled with breastfeeding, may 
well be *hurting*.

The idea that  if they are hurting, it's not our 
fault because all we do is tell the truth,  and 
they need to man up and handle it.....well, it 
may not be our 'fault' but we can certainly add 
to their hurt, by appearing to judge, criticise, 
compare or belittle....or do anything that could 
be interpreted as this.

Yes, I have heard from women who are *hurting* 
who interpret a casual glance as a critical 
appraisal; from women who are in emotional pain 
buried under layers of defiance,  who interpret a 
ban on formula advertising as a *direct and 
personal* judgment on their feeding method.  In 
the UK, you are not permitted to get loyalty 
points in  stores on infant formula - quite 
right, too. But women who are hurting think the 
fact they don't get the equivalent of one penny 
off a £10 pack of formula is a direct and 
personal judgment on them :(

I hear from women who say 'the midwife yelled at 
me/told me I mustn't love my baby very much/said 
my baby would get diabetes/ etc etc'....and I 
really cannot believe there are HCPs who are like 
that, but that's what women in pain interpret 
what they experience.

We are in the highly sensitive and priveleged 
position of being with women while they negotiate 
their feelings around feeding.

It is essential that we think carefully about 
what we say and how we say it, and how it might 
possibly come across to someone **in pain**, and 
often, blaming themselves for personal failure.

None of this means we deny or minimise the 
potential health impact of feeding decisions. 
None of it means we should say 'it doesn't matter 
what sort of milk your baby has, all that counts 
is your baby is fed'  and all the rest of the 
supposedly comforting words we could say if we 
knew no better.

We can be honest, truthful, open and kind, 
recognising that we maybe should tread on egg 
shells for the sake of someone's self-esteem as a 
mother. We should avoid any suggestion of shaming 
or judging - and boy oh boy, that means learning 
to be  very, very careful about verbal language, 
body language, tone of voice, every aspect of our 
interaction.

Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK



>Language is a powerfull tool and the sentence 
>'Breast is Best' is in my opinion emotional 
>black mailing. I have yet to meet a parent who 
>was not hurt by it, when they had tried all they 
>knew (or been told) and things were just not 
>working for a variety of reasons.
>
>I would love this 'Breast is Best' sentence not 
>to be used anymore, as I don't think anyone has 
>the right to hurt, induce quilt or blame a 
>parent.
>
>My 2 cents worth.
>
>Petra Hoehfurtner
>IBCLC
>LLLeader
>Stillbirth and Bereavement Doula
>Gestalt Counsellor
>Tongue Tie Release
>
>On 04/02/2015 5:00 AM, LACTNET automatic digest system wrote:
>
>
>Date:    Tue, 3 Feb 2015 17:40:35 -0600
>From:    Ginger Chun <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Re: Feeding Babies and Green Hair
>
>But saying "Breast is Best" or "Normalize Breastfeeding' is not tearing
>some one down.
>
>~ Ginger Chun
>
>             ***********************************************
>
>Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
>To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
>Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
>COMMANDS:
>1. To temporarily stop your subscription write 
>in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
>2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
>3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
>4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome


-- 
http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk

             ***********************************************

Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
COMMANDS:
1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome