I like to schedule a meeting with BOTH parties, as soon as possible.  
Personally, I find this is best handled prenatally, but as we well know, we 
often do not get called in until something is already a crisis, so there is not 
often a lot of prevention that can occur.

Anyway, I have recently done a few of these meetings and I find that a 
format in this order is well recieved:

1.)  Answer any immediate questions either mom or dad may have about 
breastfeeding or baby care.

2.)  Discuss reasonable expectations of baby at whatever stage they are at.

3.)  Ask Dad what he feels is his role is NOW, and what he feels it might be in 
the future.

4.)  Ask Dad what he thinks he can do that is 'just his' for baby.  Be prepared 
to make some suggestions, and help him choose some things he is comfortable 
with.  This is very important step!

5.)  Talk about sex.  I'm serious!  Dads are so freaking relieved to know that 
someone is willing to discuss this.  It really is an important issue for a couple, 
and many of them are completely unaware of how they will feel about 
postpartum sex and the possiblity of lactating during arousal and/or orgasm.  I 
hope I am not making anyone uncomfortable here - I know not all us feel 
qualified to handle such discussion, nor would we be interested in doing so.  
But, I have had FABULOUS response from the couples I have broached this 
with.  Some men are aroused by lactation during lovemaking, some men are 
grossed out by it, and many don't care one way or the other.  I don't mean to 
be sexist, but it does seem that for many men, once this subject has been 
discussed, they are much more open to listening and brainstorming other 
issues ;~>

6.)  Inform Dad about the importance of the support of a mother's significant 
other.  Tell him what is supportive and what is not.  Ask him what he feels he 
says and does that IS supportive and what he says and does that is NOT 
supportive.  Be frank.

7.)  Help the two of them together makes some plans for how to handle the 
stressful times, when the comments of "Oh, just quit already!" are more likely 
to come out.

I hope this helps, and I hope you all don't think I am nuts!

Blessings.

Karyn-grace Clarke, IBCLC, LLLL
Principal Researcher, "Elmininating the Barriers"
Gulf Islands, BC, Canada

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