I like to schedule a meeting with BOTH parties, as soon as possible. Personally, I find this is best handled prenatally, but as we well know, we often do not get called in until something is already a crisis, so there is not often a lot of prevention that can occur. Anyway, I have recently done a few of these meetings and I find that a format in this order is well recieved: 1.) Answer any immediate questions either mom or dad may have about breastfeeding or baby care. 2.) Discuss reasonable expectations of baby at whatever stage they are at. 3.) Ask Dad what he feels is his role is NOW, and what he feels it might be in the future. 4.) Ask Dad what he thinks he can do that is 'just his' for baby. Be prepared to make some suggestions, and help him choose some things he is comfortable with. This is very important step! 5.) Talk about sex. I'm serious! Dads are so freaking relieved to know that someone is willing to discuss this. It really is an important issue for a couple, and many of them are completely unaware of how they will feel about postpartum sex and the possiblity of lactating during arousal and/or orgasm. I hope I am not making anyone uncomfortable here - I know not all us feel qualified to handle such discussion, nor would we be interested in doing so. But, I have had FABULOUS response from the couples I have broached this with. Some men are aroused by lactation during lovemaking, some men are grossed out by it, and many don't care one way or the other. I don't mean to be sexist, but it does seem that for many men, once this subject has been discussed, they are much more open to listening and brainstorming other issues ;~> 6.) Inform Dad about the importance of the support of a mother's significant other. Tell him what is supportive and what is not. Ask him what he feels he says and does that IS supportive and what he says and does that is NOT supportive. Be frank. 7.) Help the two of them together makes some plans for how to handle the stressful times, when the comments of "Oh, just quit already!" are more likely to come out. I hope this helps, and I hope you all don't think I am nuts! Blessings. Karyn-grace Clarke, IBCLC, LLLL Principal Researcher, "Elmininating the Barriers" Gulf Islands, BC, Canada *********************************************** Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html To reach list owners: [log in to unmask] Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask] COMMANDS: 1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail 2. To start it again: set lactnet mail 3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet 4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome