Dear Folks:
I was called to a home to do some cranio-sacral therapy. This mother
had given birth 12 days earlier, and had seen a LC when her son was about 4
days old. The baby had gained a pound in the first week after hospital
discharge! So breasteeding is going very well.
When I arrived, she was out working in the yard, which was
landscaped, organized and very tidy. She took me into her huge house, which
was spotless and tidy. She does most of the housework, although she told me
that her husband helps. She has been back at work in her home already. I saw
many instances where she would delay responding to her baby because she had
to get the dogs in, or do something for her husband, or go spend time with
her friend. She even delayed working with me, had to bring me a drink of iced
water even though she had already asked if I wanted anything and I had said
"No thank you".
We talked about her work situation. She will be going back to the
office in 8 weeks; she can't continue to work at home. The reason she gave
for the urgency to return to the office is that she was offered a "big
opportunity". "They've never given a female such a job before. I have to go
back."
I thought how ironic, and how crazy. I wondered if it was merely
coincidence that this incredible job offer was made by the men in her office
during her pregnancy. Or was it a test, to see what she would choose to make
most important. The only way that she sees that she can respond to this job
is to make her sweet infant son lower on the list of priorities than her job.
For her to function well, she has to act like a man, and deny this baby.
I planted seeds as much as I could during our CST session, which
brought her into a state of deep, deep relaxation. I suggested that
co-sleeping and nursing all night would feel so good, that she could parent
and breastfeed while she slept. The idea of doing three things at once
appealed to her, I suppose because that is what she is used to doing.
I suggested hiring a housekeeper so she could enjoy her babymoon. We worked
to perfect the sidelying position during feeding.
I saw no one truly helping her. No one respecting her new status as a
mother. She doesn't appreciate her new role as mother; she is just adding one
more job to the pile. Fortunately, her son is very sweet and gentle with her.
He really liked the cranial work and smiled the whole time during the work on
his head and cranial base!
I am reminded of a lady OB-GYN who was being auditioned to join a
large practice. The men in the practice tested her by watching her do a
cesarean section. I thought about the symbolism of what they made her do.
They wanted to see her mutilate one of her own kind before taking her on
board. As in the case of the 6-months pregnant medical resident whose chief
insisted that she must be the one to perform an autopsy on a stillborn
infant. There were at least 6 other residents in the program, but she was
targeted as the one to do this grisly task. And she did it.
Such a lack of honor in this world. Warmly, Nikki Lee
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