I don't think that Marsha and I have any fundemental disagreement over the
propriety of nursing older children. We agree that it is both normal and
desirable.

Marsha wrote:
>I only question the public way in which this mother asked her child (sorry
>I thought it was a 6 year old) to nurse and only then because Melisa
>questioned whether there was more to it than just a mother responding to
>her child's need.  Often when something instinctively doesn't feel right to
>us, we are correct.  I wouldn't say anything to anyone nursing whatever age
>of child, but I don't think it's
altogether fair to the child to nurse an older child in public just to make
a point as you have suggested.

Ahhh...THERE is the misunderstanding!
What I meant to say was that nursing an older child in public should be as
normal and as acceptable as scratching your head when you can't think of the
right word to use. No way was I suggesting that we USE our children to
further our own agendas, whatever they may be. In the case mentioned, there
may very well have been an ulterior motive behind that mother's question -
but why should we automatically assume the worst? We all know that it is
virtually impossible to make a child nurse if he doesn't want to do so.

>Why do we have to shock society and have them label us totally nuts by
>pushing this in their face with an older child?  I don't think we open
>doors by displaying the extremes without caution.  We may wish for this to
>be a non-issue someday, that nursing any age of child won't even be
>noticed, but we start with baby steps, which we have, and work up from
>there.

I am not suggesting an *in your face* type of thing. I am not in favour of
deliberately setting out to get people angry. What I am saying is that
meeting the needs of your child - of whatever age - is an appropriate
action. While I can see that it may sometimes be more comfortable to take an
older nursling to a private place, I can't help thinking of the kind of
message it sends, both to the child and to others. I have said to my own
older children, *Let's wait till we get home to nurse because *Aunt Matilda*
doesn't understand.* Yes, older children can wait a while, it isn't a matter
of life and death with them, but isn't it a shame that we have to resort to
this?

I have heard people say, *It isn't that I can SEE anything when she nurses,
it is just that I KNOW she is doing it, and it bothers me.*

A lot of people do things that bother me. That does not give me the right to
forbid them to do them.

>We need to treat others with respect for their feelings -that is the
>message of LLL- and I think that includes the society at large.  I think we
>have far better success opening the door gradually than by trying to force
>it open.

Yes, of course we do. What I am suggesting is that we start to take those
baby steps NOW.

warmly,
Norma Ritter, IBCLC
private practice in Big Flats, in rainy upstate NY
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*If not now, when? if not us, who?*
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