Debbie wrote:

I guess that  since the mom wasn't able to walk out of the room with a smile 
on her face and  a milk-drunk baby, I feel like I could do better, like I let 
the  mom
down.  Not only that, I feel like it's my fault that she won't  have a normal
breastfeeding relationship with this precious baby.

Is  it inappropriate for me to think I can reveal unwelcome news, and still
not  ever become the bad guy?  


 We are not the bad guys, although yes we are often the bringers or  
confirmers of the 'bad' (difficult) truths. I feel like over the years I  have had to 
adjust myself to thinking that my role is not specifically  to get every baby 
breastfeeding easily and the mom smiling, it's to help a  mother and baby have 
the most normal, nurturing feeding relationship possible.  under their 
circumstances. It would be great if that always ended with  exclusive breastfeeding 
and comfortable, relaxed mom and baby. It just  doesn't. As  a physical 
therapist, my role was to help many people  walk again, but sometimes it was to 
teach someone how to maneuver in their  wheelchairs, to walk with crutches and 
prosthetic limbs, it was always specific  to each person. There are things we 
cannot change, and PCOS is one of those  things. Personally, I think the only 
thing that is your 'fault' here is that you  will now empower this mother with 
the information she needs to use or  try  the best feeding and nurturing 
strategies for and her baby in her situation.  Being the bearer of bad news is a 
tough role, believe me I know, but it is a  gift to be able to be honest and 
helpful when that news is bad. You may be the  only person capable of giving her 
the info she needs, acknowledging the grief  that causes ( the situation, not 
you, remember...:) and helping to support her  through whatever nearness to 
normalcy you can assist with. I could say a lot  else, but won't. She is lucky to 
have you, and someday may come back thanking  you for your honesty, and even 
if she doesn't somewhere inside her, it will be  meaningful.
 
Peace in your heart,
Judy, on her third post!  

Judy LeVan  Fram, PT, IBCLC, LLLL, Brooklyn, NY, USA


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