I just want to say that - Julie, I'm in complete agreement with you on this topic. Although, I do find that sometimes people will become offended at the mere mention of breastfeeding (as if advocating for breastfeeding means that we are somehow inherently being mean to women who couldn't or wouldn't breastfeed) which is also untrue and unfair. I do disagree with the sentiment expressed by some LC's that you can't "make" someone feel guilty about not breastfeeding. Yes, you can. I've seen many LC's do it. Saying that we aren't responsible for how people choose to react attempts to subvert responsibility from the person saying the cruel thing. LC's, if you aren't harsh or cruel in the things that you say, then I'm not talking about you. But I think we all can think of a nurse, doctor or lactation consultant whose counseling skills are shall we say sub-par?
If you say something racist to someone - is it there fault for being offended? It's like calling someone a derogatory name and then saying that they didn't have to react emotionally. I mean come on, really? If you say something hurtful and a person feels hurt, that's a normal reaction. I would recommend that we always attempt to keep the conversation positive and not fall into the temptation of negativity, even when people are negative towards us or breastfeeding. We need to take the higher road, if you let yourself get pulled down to their level, it only gives them permission to dismiss everything you say.
As LC's, I think that often we seen in a very prejudiced and negative light by many in our society (in the USA). If you think it's unfair that we have to work harder and behave better than everyone else to be taken seriously, well unfortunately that's just the way it is. Life is unfair. Yes, we do need to work harder, be smarter, be nicer than everyone else in healthcare to be respected. Getting negative is just going to validate all of the assumptions they are making about you. Before we have a pity party for ourselves, just keep in mind that what we experience is probably only a very small sample of what many minorities go through on a daily basis, so let's not feel too sorry for ourselves here. But over time, if we do continue to stay positive and professional and advocate for breastfeeding we will earn respect and change hearts and minds. What other option is there? Getting negative doesn't work. It's counterproductive.
I have no problem with the word "deserve." But maybe I'm missing something. I do feel that adequate breastfeeding support is part of women's reproductive rights. We have the right to correct information and adequate support! We do deserve this and one of the reasons we don't get it is the inequity that exists in healthcare for women in this country. Okay, putting soapbox away now...
Tricia Shamblin, RN, BSN, IBCLC
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 2015 20:18:52 +0000
From: the juliest person you know <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: On "being made to feel"
"From: "Sue Jacoby, IBCLC" <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Re: Know what the benefits of breastfeeding are
"The decision to breastfeed is a personal one. As a new mom, you deserve support no matter how you decide to feed your baby. You should not be made to feel guilty if you cannot or choose not to breastfeed."
So now we have the US Federal Government validating the false idea that someone can be "made to feel?" I would really prefer my tax dollars NOT be spent promoting this victimhood meme.
Huffily,
Sue Jacoby
California"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While I agree with you, Sue, in that this was not a needed statement on this webpage, I have to disagree about "making someone feel" one way or another. That saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me," is incorrect. If you call someone 'stupid,' they may feel stupid, or if not feel stupid, will certainly feel bad. When girls are told they are bad at math, they get worse at math. If we told our clients that they are failures at breastfeeding, they will not only fail at breastfeeding, they will give us bad Yelp! reviews. When we tell our clients they are doing well, they gain confidence and succeed. Words are extremely powerful.
The other thing I don't like about this quote from the government website is the use of the word "deserve" because it has such a moralizing tone to it. I like to avoid using the word "should" for the same reason.
So, speaking of words, what do you all think of the term "emergency baby food" for formula?
Julie Tardos, also in California ==== Anything worth doing is even worth doing badly.
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I just want to say that - Julie, I'm in complete agreement with you on this topic. Although, I do find that sometimes people will become offended at the mere mention of breastfeeding, as if advocating for breastfeeding means that we are somehow inherently being mean to women who couldn't or wouldn't breastfeed, which is also untrue and unfair. I do disagree with the sentiment expressed by some LC's that you can't "make" someone feel guilty about not breastfeeding. Yes, you can. I've seen many LC's do it. It also attempts to subvert responsibility from the person saying the cruel thing. LC's, if you aren't harsh or cruel in the things that you say, then I'm not talking about you. But I think we all can think of a nurse, doctor or lactation consultant whose counseling skills are - shall we say sub-par?
If you say something racist to someone - is it there fault for being offended? It's like calling someone a derogatory name and then saying that they didn't have to react emotionally. I mean come on, really? If you say something hurtful and a person feels hurt, that's a normal reaction. I would recommend that we always attempt to keep the conversation positive and not fall into the temptation of negativity, even when people are negative towards us or breastfeeding. We need to take the higher road, if you let yourself get pulled down to their level, it only gives them permission to dismiss everything you say.
As LC's, I think that often we seen in a very prejudiced and negative light by many in our society (in the USA). If you think it's unfair that we have to work harder and behave better than everyone else to be taken seriously, well unfortunately that's just the way it is. Life is unfair. Yes, we do need to work harder, be smarter, be nicer than everyone else in healthcare to be respected. Getting negative is just going to validate all of the assumptions they are making about you. Before we have a pity party for ourselves, just keep in mind that what we experience is probably only a very small sample of what many minorities go through on a daily basis in our society, so let's not feel too sorry for ourselves here. It sucks doesn't it? But over time, if we do continue to stay positive and professional and advocate for breastfeeding we will earn respect and change hearts and minds. What other option is there? Getting negative doesn't work. It's counterproductive.
I have no problem with the word "deserve." But maybe I'm missing something. I do feel that adequate breastfeeding support is part of women's reproductive rights. We have the right to correct information and adequate support! We do deserve this and one of the reasons we don't get it is the inequity that exists in healthcare for women in this country.
Tricia Shamblin, RN, BSN, IBCLC
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 2015 20:18:52 +0000
From: the juliest person you know <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: On "being made to feel"
"From: "Sue Jacoby, IBCLC" <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Re: Know what the benefits of breastfeeding are
"The decision to breastfeed is a personal one. As a new mom, you deserve support no matter how you decide to feed your baby. You should not be made to feel guilty if you cannot or choose not to breastfeed."
So now we have the US Federal Government validating the false idea that someone can be "made to feel?" I would really prefer my tax dollars NOT be spent promoting this victimhood meme.
Huffily,
Sue Jacoby
California"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While I agree with you, Sue, in that this was not a needed statement on this webpage, I have to disagree about "making someone feel" one way or another. That saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me," is incorrect. If you call someone 'stupid,' they may feel stupid, or if not feel stupid, will certainly feel bad. When girls are told they are bad at math, they get worse at math. If we told our clients that they are failures at breastfeeding, they will not only fail at breastfeeding, they will give us bad Yelp! reviews. When we tell our clients they are doing well, they gain confidence and succeed. Words are extremely powerful.
The other thing I don't like about this quote from the government website is the use of the word "deserve" because it has such a moralizing tone to it. I like to avoid using the word "should" for the same reason.
So, speaking of words, what do you all think of the term "emergency baby food" for formula?
Julie Tardos, also in California ==== Anything worth doing is even worth doing badly.
***********************************************
Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
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COMMANDS:
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