Dear all:

If a mother gives up under false information because others feel she should not hear it 
and if that false information is given to her it is going to become the reason why others 
will not even try or will give up.  If she gives up because she is told formula is just as 
good and breast is not best, then that devalues all the work she did.

If a mother gives up for reasons she has clearly identified and she is not patronizes with 
false information and if she is given support to see where her efforts were of value, she 
can mourn her loss, pat herself on the back for working harder than others who had no 
problems and be supportive of both those who do and do not make her choices.

Women should not be treated as if they are not capable of making fully informed 
decisions.  Why are we patronizing those that make agonizing decisions with "there there 
dear, it didn't really matter anyway".  This type of attitude in the past has kept women 
from sports --- "there there dear, if its too hard for you that OK because women are too 
frail", from careers that didn't follow role lineations of the past "there there dear, if its 
too hard for you to work in this male dominated field .... " etc.  We should NEVER 
patronize women and treat them as if they are not capable of making rationale decision -
-- except in cases where we have clear evidence of potential child abuse.

And my read of the WHO code, is that we should instruct women who lose one or more 
piece of the complex activity of "breastfeeding" -- which is far more than feeding at the 
breast.  I'd say we have an obligation to normalize the missing pieces as closely as we 
can towards breastfeeding.  That is --- replace the skin to skin contact --- a minimum of 
160 minutes a day for newborns (at the low end of the normal feeding range) -- and also 
ensure adequate visual - eye to eye contact and auditory contact --- talk to the baby.  
Throw out those ridiculously manufactured abnormal feeding schedules.  If you can't do it 
at the breast, make sure the baby is fed slowly --- initially at least 15-20 minutes with 
proper breaks according to the babies' cues and frequently, don't stuff them so the get 
down to some low number particularly not the 4 feeds a day recommended for 3-6 month 
olds in some books --- keep it at the frequency of normal feeding. The problem with 
Hanna Rosin's article is that formula feeding is taken as meaning you can dump all the 
other needs along with delegating the feeding.  

I say this because my aunt was a complete mirror image of Hanna Rosin --- only she was  
actively discouraged from breastfeeding.  The amount of time it took her to follow the 
doctors orders for how she should prepare and mix and sterilize and measure the bottles 
was horrifying.  At least then they did try to sterilize which no one now does for the 
powdered formulas which we know are not required to be sterile.  I know my aunt would 
have breastfed all her boys to age five --- that was her style of parenting which was 
ridiculed by my mother and my other aunt.  I don't see that her children turned out any 
worse --- in fact in the total sample size I would say they turned out better.  I wish I had 
a microphone on my aunt when she described it.

The longing and loss that was never acknowledged because she was not fully informed is 
a lifetime loss for her.  But at least now she can name it.

What will replace this for women who have been patronized is resentment towards those 
who do not deserve the resentment and resentment towards those who actually told them 
the truth. By allowing the falsehoods to stand, it hurts all of us.

Think --- if someone trained very hard for a marathon or the Olympics, wouldn't you 
congratulate them for the fact that they were in that class of women?  You wouldn't say it 
was a useless endeavor because they failed and exercise isn't all that healthy anyway.

Best, Susan Burger

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