OK, enough of you have asked me to elaborate . . . I am leaving the details
out on purpose to preserve anonymity.

Case #1:  6 year old girl, no longer nursing, being evaluated at school for
possible learning disabilities at parents' insistence; during a
psychological evaluation/interview, the girl mentions that she nursed until
earlier in the year -- so she nursed til 6, though was no longer nursing;
and that she slept with her parents, and they all slept nude; and that her
father gave her a backrub each night to help her go to sleep, with her
mother not in the room.  Child was taken away and placed in foster care.  I
never heard the outcome of this case, but at last contact the girl was in
foster care in a different city, parents were not allowed any contact, and
she'd been gone for six months at this point.  Mother said there was nothing
wrong with how they parented, nor did she seem to understand why anyone
outside the family might think it was a little odd, especially the nude
backrubs.  Mother insisted it was perfectly normal to do all these things.

Case #2:  little boy, 5 years of age, divorce/custody case; mother awarded
custody, but required to wean and to get counseling and take parenting
classes (the long-term nursing was only one of many issues); the mother had
contacted me for advice when the case first went to court and I provided my
usual letter of support for the normalcy of nursing a 5 year old; after the
court order, mother called me at home late at night on several occasions to
ask if I thought "x, y, or z" violated the court order; the last time we
talked she called at 11:30 pm at night, waking me up, to ask if I thought it
was a violation of the court order if she "E-X-P-R-E-S-S-E-D S-O-M-E
B-R-E-A-S-T M-I-L-K I-N-T-O A C-U-P"  -- she spelled this out over the phone
to me, in a whisper - and gave it to the little boy to drink.  I told her
she was nuts, that I thought, yes, it was a violation of the spirit of the
court order and she shouldn't risk it, and NOT to call me at 11:30 pm to ask
stupid questions.

Case #3:  mother of 3 developmentally delayed children, approximate ages 5,
3, and 1.5 years.  None of them could talk, none were toilet trained, all
were still nursing.  Pediatric workups led to presumption of some sort of
genetic problem, but no definite diagnosis, some physicians thought they had
autism/pervasive developmental disorder, or autistic-like tendencies.
Mother had refused to have children enrolled in early childhood intervention
(ECI) programs, refused immunizations, admitted she locked the kids in their
rooms at night.  All three kids were taken away from her.  The social
workers blamed the developmental delays, the lack of toilet training, and
the lack of language on the mother's extended breastfeeding.  Now, we all
know that is ludicrous -- it seems perfectly obvious to me that there was
something the matter with the children.  The children were placed in two
different foster homes (2 in one, one in the other).  They were all given
their immunizations and enrolled in early childhood intervention programs.

The mother was allowed to visit the kids in foster care, but persisted in
nursing them during the visits even though she'd been told not to.  The
mother was offered the chance to regain custody of the children if she
agreed to stop nursing them and continue to take them to ECI.  She refused,
insisting that the state had no right to tell any mother (or father) how to
parent their children.

I talked to this women for over an hour on the phone, trying to get her to
understand that of course the state (as representative of the general
community) has the right to set limits on how people treat their children --
that there are people who abuse, maim, kill, neglect, and otherwise treat
their children badly.  She was, basically, not interested in getting her
kids back.  She was only interested in proving that the state has no right
to tell anyone how to raise their kids.  She was not willing to follow the
guidelines set forth in order to regain custody of her children -- last I
heard, she did not have custody, and was allowed only supervised visits to
make sure she didn't nurse the children.

Kathy Dettwyler




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