Carrie, I am so saddened by your anguish and grief.  I understand your
feeling that we have let you down.  We can throw around our techniques and
our experience and our strong opinions, but sometimes we just don't know
enough.

I have seen a few miracles in my days of LC work--the several babies who
after 2-3 months of absolutely rejecting the breast just one day latch on
and feed at the breast from then on.  And the adoptive mother who never
expected her 13-month old to nurse, but who wanted him to attach so she
slept with him and held him on her bare chest, trying to "womb" him, and one
day she awoke from a nap with him nursing on an empty breast.  He continued
for a year.

Your baby has had the wonderful experience of being at your breast and he
remembers.  I believe he will be there again.

Anything I suggest seems trite compared with your hourly sadness, but I am
going to risk seeming insensitive.

Hold him, rock him, cuddle him in his sleep--all of this to comfort him--and
yourself.  Tell him of your grief and of your hope that soon his fear or
pain or discomfort will heal and that you two will again share the intimacy
that you both long for. He will understand you. Remember that you aren't in
this painful situation alone.  Your baby and you are on the same side.  Talk
to him about "WHEN you are nursing again..."  Don't give up on him or yourself.

And be gentle with yourself in your grief.  Show yourself as much compassion
as you would your child.  It doesn't feel compassionate to say "Ah well, you
had seven and a half months...be thankful for that."  Rock yourself and say,
"There, there."

And allow us, who do care even if we suffer in our inadequacies, carry you,
believing in you and your baby when your courage falters.  1000+ of your
closest friends are with you and we hold you in our love.

Thank you for calling on us.

Patricia Gima, IBCLC
Milwaukee