Jackie,

First of all, thanks for providing another view of Dr. Ferber's methods. As I
think I stated in those posts, this is one subject that will push my button
about as fast as any. If I came on stronger than I should have, for that I
apologize. I am glad you were able to use the method in a way that you felt
comfortable and that your family benefitted from it.

That your doctor would recommend the book does not mean he is unqualified or not
to be trusted, only that in his opinion, the book provides help for parents
looking for solutions. Perhaps he is not familiar with Dr. Sears' books either.

The more I read about such issues as cosleeping (which we did NOT use--partially
due to lack of documented support that is now available, and partially due to
unfamiliarity in general), and attachment parenting (a la Sears), the more I
find that it strengthens my resolve to look for other solutions to nighttime
problems. I hear so many moms talking about how difficult it is to get their
kids to go to bed at night, and I wonder how many of them opted for some form of
the cry-it-out method (admittedly there are much harsher versions than Dr.
Ferber's gradual approach) when the children were small. I hear the opposite
from moms I know who have opted for the attachment parenting methods. Granted
this is anecdotal and no doubt there are kids on both side of this who don't fit
my description.

One thing that Sears stresses in his book is that you have to look for the
solution that allows everybody (parents and children) in the family to get the
most sleep. For many that is the family bed, for others it is some other
arrangement.

The thing that bothers me the most about the Ferber method is that so many moms
who try it talk about how hard it is to listen to their babies scream. I
remember on the 20/20 show, watching the mother rock on the bed while her son
was screaming. I can't believe that something that obviously goes against mom's
nature (to respond to her child at night) is in the best interest of mother or
child. And I have problems teaching my kids that I am available only during the
daylight hours, and that at night, they are on their own. Now, granted, I am
sure that most moms using this method would be by their kid's side if they felt
they were ill or had something unusual going on. But where do you draw the line?
If we teach moms to ignore the cries to get baby to sleep, do we also run the
risk of her not being able to determine when her child REALLY needs her and when
he just doesn't want to sleep? (IMHO, if the child cries at night, it is because
he has a need, regardless of whether it is for company or illness or whatever,
but I realize I may take that to more of an extreme than some....)

This issue is related to the one recently raised on lactnet about mother's
intuition. I tend to agree with Katheryn D's post about "intuition" being as
much a matter of mom being so in tune with her child that she notices subtle
clues before anybody else. Attachment parenting will tend to strengthen mom's
"intuition," while Ferber's methods may undermine it. (MY opinion here...)

One more comment, and then I promise to step off the soap box before I fall off
(or are pushed off...). I find it most interesting that in today's society, we
work so hard to get kids to sleep on their own in their own bed in their own
room, yet we look down upon or pity or are suspicious of adults who sleep alone
at night.

This is a complicated issue, and I apologize for ranting and raving. We all make
decisions based on what is right for our situation; you and I chose different
paths.

Melissa Vickers, IBCLC
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PS. Another good book on the subject is "Crying Babies, Sleepless Nights" by
Sandy Jones, similar to "Nighttime Parenting" but includes some different
information, including an excellent section on allergies as a possible
explanation for fussy babies.