Julie,
This was in an article in the November 8, 1999 New Yorker titled
"Sleeping With the Baby". The author is John Seabrook and the
article is on pages 56-65.
I'll type out the interesting parts, from page 64:
"Ferber does not like the word 'Ferberize'. 'It's like it's a diet,'
he told me. 'It makes it seem like that's all my work is about --
that chart -- whereas the whole purpose of our work here at the
center is to come up with a solution that is right for each child's
sleep problem. When you look at a sleep problem, you have to take
everything into account -- the age of the child, the sleeping
situation, the parents, whether or not the bedrooms are next to each
other. There are situations where that chart works, but it doesn't
work for everyone. When I get a letter that says, 'We've been using
your technique for six weeks and he cries all night' -- I think
that's horrible. That's very cruel.'
"I confessed to Dr. Ferber that we were sleeping with our baby. 'We
bring him into our bed, or my wife nurses him to sleep and then puts
him down -- anyway, he almost never goes to sleep on his own. And
I'm worried that he's going to get in the habit of it . . . ' I
trailed off guiltily.
"Dr. Ferber's voice was reassuring. 'Well, several things could
happen. He might settle at around six months and start sleeping
better. Then you've got no problem, if you're happy with the
co-sleeping. Or his problems might persist, and the longer they go
on the harder it will be to overcome them. At any rate, he's still
young enough that you've got some freedom to decide what you want to
do. Because either co-sleeping or putting him in his crib can work.'
"'But it says here in your book . . . ' I read him two sentences I
had read to my wife during one of our 2 am showdowns: 'Although
taking your child into bed with you for a night or two may be
reasonable if he is ill or very upset about something, for the most
part this is not a good idea.' And, 'Sleeping alone is an important
part of his learning to be able to separate from you without anxiety
and to see himself as an independent individual.'
"'I wish I hadn't written those sentences,' Ferber replied. 'That
came out of some of the existing literature. It is a blanket
statement that is just not right. There's plenty of examples of
co-sleeping where it works out just fine. My feeling now is that
children can sleep with or without their parents. What's really
important is that the parents work out what they want to do.'
[end excerpt]
Isn't it great? Hope this is useful to you!
Margaret
mom of 2, LLLL
Longmont, CO
>A few years ago, I saw a quote by Dr. Ferber where he expressed dismay that
>his name had become associated with the "crying it out" method of getting
>your baby to sleep. He said that it was never his intention to have
>parents abandon their babies in this way, for many minutes or even hours at
>a time, and he even made a positive comment about co-sleeping, if I'm
>remembering this right. Can anyone refer me to the exact quote?
>
>Julie Rosen, LLLL in Teaneck, NJ
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