I can't comment on this from a lactation perspective, but as a social worker
I worked with sexually abused kids and adults. I know that, of course, it
is normal to have sexual feelings and even orgasms while nursing. If those
were the only issues, I guess the only advice would be to keep private
things private (boundaries, etc.) and find a more understanding support
network (the minister's wife could have been more helpful, but since she
called you she must not have been incredibly shamed by that encounter unless
she knew you previously or she is just really crying out for help).
two things are troubling: one is that she is really "upset" by this, which
points to bigger issues assuming the facts are clarified and the feelings
are normalized (is she upset by her feelings--they aren't new. Is she upset
that the minister's wife "caught" her? Is she upset that things seem to be
escalating in that she has begun nursing the older child to get these
feelings again? You say that the four year old has recently begun nursing
again and that mom "only wants to nurse to get these feelings". Also, why
hasn't mom had sex in a year, and where is dad in all of this?
Sexual feelings while nursing are part of the deal, and generally a positive
part. resuming nursing in order to have sexual stimulation with a four year
old child, while not having sex with an age appropriate partner (assuming
he's around and all that) is another issue entirely, and if allowed to
continue is totally problematic on all levels.
Of course, I say all this and I can't recommend much in terms of solutions.
Sounds like the issue isn't really about lactation at all, other than
clarifying that the feelings are normal. A person just can't legally or
morally use a child to get sexual feelings. Of course, in my state there
are reporting implications to situation like this (please no flames, but in
many states everyone is required to report the suspicion of child abuse and
you can be held liable if abuse goes on and you suspect it but don't report
it) but the key would be to find someone (a therapist or a social worker who
works with this sort of thing) who understands breastfeeding AND the other
issues because it is just so unclear what is really going on in this house.
If you know such a person you can always describe a situation hypothetically
(no names or identifying info) if you need clarification on how to proceed.
IT sounds like she really wants help.
The Rev. Anise Cottrell Willis, MSW/CSW, LLL Leader
-----Original Message-----
From: Lactation Information and Discussion
[mailto:[log in to unmask]]On Behalf Of [log in to unmask]
Sent: Wednesday, October 06, 2004 6:58 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: TLC mom with feeling
Call from mom with 14 month old and 4 year old. Mom stopped nursing 4 year
old at 18 months. Has recently started nursing her again. Mom is getting
orgasms
from nursing both children. Stronger with older child. She is very upset by
this. She only wants to nurse to get these feelings. Mom nursed in front of
Pasteur's wife and got these feelings. The pastor's wife was upset and said
she
would call police if woman did not stop nursing. Mom has not had sex in a
year.
Too many issue in a short phone call!
Has anyone ever had a call like this?
Annette
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