I love that description...oroboobular disproportion.  Brilliant,
Deanne!!!

For some reason every second mom this week had those giant thick hard
rubbery nipples on giant breasts and of course SGA babies with tiny
mouths.  Some got latched on, and others, well,  Medela did well this
week ( you should have bought their stock!!)

But, alas, there was compensation!! I had a mom who gave birth on
Sunday, first baby, CS, and she happens to be a veterinarian by
profession.  She came to my class every morning from the moment she was
vertical and mobile and it was such a pleasure to bounce issues off her
relating to the animal world.

Together, in front of the group,  we discussed the idea of opening an
animal maternity ward which offered the most luxurious care imaginable.
Hi-tech births for dogs and cats.  Epidurals, ...well, ok, every now and
then you may have to pull the pups out with tweezers or suck them out
with vacuums or section them, but hey, that's the price for mom's
comfort, right?  And then the pups would be washed and taken off to a
big room where each one would be put in a little plastic box, and the
moms would be put in private rooms TO REST. Bring them to nurse every
four hours and limit them to 10 minutes for a feed.  Guess what?  No one
in the group would bring their animals to our hospital, even if there
was a LC working there!!  So, we all realized how stupid we humans are.
Needless to say, after this discussion,  all the moms took advantage of
a new possibility in our hospital that babies can be with their moms 24
hours a day, aside from a few hours in the morning when the   docs check
them and they are bathed and tested. ( That was because I called my boss
Similac Sam and he was offended and had to prove that he is Breast milk
Bob!)  I can't  call this rooming in because they are not taught how to
change diapers or how to bathe the babies.  Sometimes I show them after
my class, but I am sure I will get in trouble because that is not part
of my job.

Then one day there was an antagonizer in my class......the classic
skeptic.
She is probably a fan of that  woman who writes for the Guardian.
Questions like " If breastfeeding is such a natural thing, why do we
have to sit here and learn it?"  So I threw a question to Sigalit, the
vet  " Let's do an interesting experiment .  Let's take two pups out of
each litter and give them bottles before they suckle and see what
happens ( by the way there does exist puppy and kitten ABM)."

She looked at me in utter horror, "That  would be blatant MALPRACTICE!!"

Since when do animals have better legal protection than humans?  See
what a generation of not breastfeeding has done to our brains!!!

So now before I run off to the beach to walk off my frustrations, I am
busy trying to prepare cute little cards to put on the babys''  cribs
which show a no bottle and no pacifier sign ( like the  no smoking one)
with a little message saying "no thanks, only breastfeeding!" (In Hebrew
it rhymes!!)  At the moment they are putting this miserable little strip
of paper which always falls off.
If anyone has an e-mailable sample to share, I would love one.
This week there are elections in Israel.  If Bibi Netanyahu gets
re-elected, can someone find me a job in America or anywhere else in the
world?
Thanks!!

Esther Grunis, IBCLC
Lis Maternity Hospital
Tel Aviv, Israel
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