"Have any of you found that some of the moms who prefer to use gadgets (i.e.
pumps) vs. putting the baby to breast sometimes have a history of sexual
abuse?"

Yes, commonly this has been the case with women I've worked with. Also with
histories of other kinds of abuse, including just about anything in their
upbringing that could lead to a lack of trust in their own bodies - harsh
disciplinary practices, being told they were too fat or too thin, incest,
"religious beliefs" (not my words, folks!)that fostered shame.
Husbands/boyfriends that say things like "Does that turn you on?" in a
sneering, derogatory tone. I think sometimes BFing is viewed almost as a
form of masturbation - not necessarily by the mother doing it, but by those
in her circles. I've heard a lot of comments about "playing with her boobs",
"getting her thrills" by bfing, etc.

Do I see it as a red flag? Well, certainly, but I consider the fact that
she's willing to try *any* kind of bfing to be a major victory, and I focus
on that rather than on the warning notes it sets off.

How do I deal with it? Accentuate the positive - give huge amounts of warm
fuzzies for her knowing how important her milk is to her baby and being
willing to go to all the trouble of expressing & feeding (& it often gets
into supplementing, too). I try to be kind of casual, in a way; not harp on
& on about how much easier and more efficient it would be if she'd just skip
the pumping & go directly to nursing, and be sure to let her know that I'll
help her if she decides she would like to nurse directly, but essentially
just kind of accept & work with her thoughts about the matter. I figure it's
her baby, her breasts, and she might even know what's better in her
situation than I do. (What do I know, maybe her husband says he'll beat her
up if he catches her with "that kid on the titty", or her sister-in-law has
threatened to call Protective Services if she's breastfeeding?).

I go on the theory that if I'm very matter-of-fact about what she plans to
do, and demonstrate my acceptance, and acknowledge what a good thing she's
doing in giving her baby her own good milk, it may help to heal some of
whatever has made her prefer to use a machine in the first place. I figure,
well, at least the baby is getting breastmilk, and the experience of seeing
your baby grow plump & happy on the milk you've produced has to be a
positive, strengthening one. Who knows?

Cathy Bargar, RN, IBCLC Ithaca NY (and secretly, very secretly, when she's
telling me about the jack*** man who makes fun of her for wanting to nurse,
I'm thinking "...and someday, darling, you will soar past this jerk, and you
and your nice little baby will leave him eating dirt, because neither one of
you deserves that..."






-----Original Message-----
From: Maurenne griese [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Monday, March 08, 1999 10:54 AM
Subject: Moms that "BF" with gadgets


Have any of you found that some of the moms who prefer to use gadgets (i.e.
pumps) vs. putting the baby to breast sometimes have a history of sexual
abuse?  I also understand this is also a part of our technocratic society
(trust technology instead of your body).

I've run across it from time to time and this always raises a red flag for
me.  Thoughts?

Maurenne Griese, RNC, BSN, CCE, CBE
Birth and Breastfeeding Resources  http://www.childbirth.org/bbfr
Manhattan, KS  USA
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