Hi, all

I've been reading all the posts about the kids (and adults) going through
the supermarket aisles editorializing about ABM and bottles. I may get
flamed for this, but.....

I don't WANT my kids pointing to bottles and formulas (on the shelves or in
the babies' mouths) and making such statements. Why? Because it is, IMHO,
counterproductive.

If a mother is within hearing range who is using ABM hears the comments, is
this going to make her change her mind? No. Is it going to make her feel
guilty? Maybe, maybe not, but that isn't my point. Is it going to make her
view BF moms as fanatics whose main goal in life is to put down ABM moms?
Quite likely. Some of you will remember a thread on Prodigy a few years ago
(and my guess it has been repeated elsewhere since, and even appears in the
Bottle Feeding Without Guilt book) from a group of moms who said they were
tired of being made to feel like less  of a mom for formula feeding rather
than bf their babies. It was a heated discussion that got even more heated
when some of us bf advocates jumped in the fray and tried to "educate" them.

Unfortunately, referring to Nestle as baby killers alone is not enough to
convince anyone that we haven't lost it completely. It is a complex issue
that requires calm explanation to understand WHY what Nestle does is so
inappropriate. And it can only be truly understood if the person who is
being told this story understands just how much difference it
makes--to-everybody--whether a baby is BF or given ABM.

I've said this before. I used to look at bottle feeding mothers and see
selfish moms who ought to know better and ought to care more for their
babies. The longer I'm in this profession, the more I realize that these
moms (for the most part) are making the best decision they can--GIVEN THE
INFORMATION AND SUPPORT THEY HAVE BEEN GIVEN! When they hear statements from
the media, their doctors, nurses, friends, relatives, etc that make it sound
like BF is just a lifestyle decision, who are we to judge them for deciding
that BF doesn't fit in with their lifestyle?

And, like trying to explain the Nestle boycott in 25 words or less, trying
to explain BF's benefits in a sentence that goes beyond "Breast is best" is
difficult. There are SO many reasons BF is better, and any one of them may
not be enough to seem like it is a health decision. When you start stacking
them together, however, the scale gets tipped real fast!

The women (and men) who are in the position of making the infant feeding
decision need the information and support LONG before the baby is delivered.
And they need it from all sources, not just the LC in the supermarket! They
need to hear it when they can listen to it without immediately erecting a
wall that gets stronger everytime they encounter another "fanatic."

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. (I wonder if they are
attracted to breastmilk more than ABM??) And you learn best when your
decisions and lifestyle are not being threatened.

The bottom line, IMHO, is that our battles need to be with the ABM companies
to get them to conform to the WHO code (and that can include the boycott),
and with the medical schools who don't teach enough about how BF is SUPPOSED
to be, let alone how to fix problems that come about; and with the medical
professionals who, for whatever reason, don't know enough about BF or who do
not support it enough in their practices; and with the media, including the
advertisers who don't understand why it matters if you show a bottle-fed
baby in a commercial for deoderant or hair care products; and with the
schools who could be teaching our children the wonders of BF as a natural
part of the curriculum. And of course we need to help the mother who WANT
our help, in the hopes of making a broader base of role models for the next
set of new parents.

Given where our society is right now, I would be thrilled if we made the
intermediate step of getting women who chose to use ABM with their babies at
least to the point that they didn't make derogatory remarks about the women
who want to BF. And if they took the next step and were actually SUPPORTIVE
of the BF moms, all the better. Many of these women will never even have
another baby to make the decision about, but they can continue to have far
reaching influence on other women's decisions.

Again, I am not trying to start a flame war here. I guess in a way I am
trying to prevent one from happening elsewhere.

Comments?

Melissa Vickers, IBCLC
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