Hello all,

Nancy was kind enough to send me the ad, so I could have a look at the whole thing.
It's not, Jennifer, that I'm desperately longing to improve the text for Ameda (for free), it's just that I'm challenged by text and as an editor I'm always trying to get the right message across.
I remember one case, in which our board worded something like this: "You can make a reservation for an answering machine to better regulate the calls you get as a volunteer and to prevent them from interfering too much with your family life. However, we cannot send the answering machines to your home address." I noted this was not true: of course we CAN send them, but we don't WANT to send them, as it is much cheaper for the association if the collegues pick them up at the next study day, so it's better use of the budget. So, don't hide behind "we CANNOT"; just be honest and say "WE DECIDED NOT TO" and explain why.

All of these things are very interesting, because in the above example, it is about taking responsibility and showing enough strength to stand for what you decided, even if others may disagree.
I think this is the issue in many situations: fear of saying what one really wants to say, either 'good' or 'bad', fear of taking a stand and stick with it.
I think that is what the pumping-issue is about, too: baby is important, but when it comes to priorities, earning a salary comes first (even if that salary serves the family that baby is part of), so the baby will have to spend time in daycare or wherever to allow mom to work. Because she loves her baby and wants to breastfeed, she is willing to express, in order to be able to give the best milk, even though she cannot give it in the best way: straight at breast.
This is in fact the stand that is taken by working/expressing moms, but are we all willing to show enough strength to say this...? Are we able to admit that life is about making choices...?
A different thing, of course, is pumping for an ill child or for some other medical reason. In that case, moms spend A LOT of time pumping, time that is taken away from the time that can be spend with the baby, but meant to offer him/her the best nutrition possible.
So: what does Ameda want to say? What is the stand they are willing to take responsibility for? What is their choice? Well, it's simple, I suppose: they want to sell pumps. But are they willing to 'express' that plain and simple message...?
Admitted: I'm a very uncommercial person. I will have to learn and bring business cards with me, once I'm allowed to put 'IBCLC' behind my name. So I don't even know if it is wise to let me edit a commercial text... hahaha. Never mind; I love text (like Diane) and I love breastfeeding, so I'll give it a try. (And I realize I'm taking a stand, too, one that people may disagree upon, but that's fine. ;-))

"EXPRESS YOUR LOVE.

**I think this is a clever finding, considering the fact that we would probably all agree that bf is about expressing and sharing your love.

You love being a mother.

**More love, and the mother is addressed directly. The ad aims at moms feeling good about themselves.

But being a mother takes time.

**Hey, something goes wrong here... The word BUT always means that there is a contradiction between the first and the latter part of a sentence, with the latter one to be true, the one after BUT.
I have decided long ago that to check if BUT was appropriate, I would add: (this isn't true because...)
Example: The weather is nice, BUT (this isn't true because) it's cold. (You say it's nice, but in fact you hate it for being so cold.)
Or the other way 'round: It's cold, BUT (this isn't true because) the weather is nice. (It's cold, but you love being outside in a warm coat and enjoy the winter season.)
Funny, right? With BUT, you turn the meaning around.
So, in this case: You love being a mother, BUT (this isn't true because) being a mother takes time.
These two little sentences imply a contradiction resulting from the BUT.
Result: Being a mother is supposed to be nice and something you love, but in fact it is often a drag, because it eats up all your time.
(And then combined with the next sentence... it gets even worse! It eats up quality time!)

Quality time your baby needs.

**The two sentences together constitute a really weird meaning: Being a mother takes quality time that ought to be spent on your baby. Huh?!?! How can this be possible? How can being a mom take away time that your baby needs? You being a mom is ALL your baby needs! Of course that takes time! It is a matter of investing time in your growing infant, because that is all that being a mother is about.
I think this is what several among us have deduced from the ad and I must admit: that is how I feel, too. By the way... I hate this term 'quality time'. Planning it, doesn't guarantee time to be of good quality. Often, time spent together spontaneously has the highest quality, but you have to be there to let it be spontaneous, so... it's hard to combine with absence.


That's why busy moms rely on Ameda breast pumps to help them meet their breastfeeding goals.

**Here, the trick is in "that's why". Take those two words away and the whole sentence has a less breastfeeding-undermining atmosphere: "Busy moms rely on Ameda breast pumps to help them meet their breastfeeding goals." (What are the goals...?!) Here comes in what (I think) Marsha or Jennifer said: you want a good quality pump and the ad should tell what is so special about their quality that discerns them from others.

So when your life is moving in many directions at once, you'll always have time for the one thing that matters most.

**Oops, this sentence really triggers me...! This whole idea is contrary, I think, to what many bf advocates feel, viz. breastfeeding being something you chose to do, preferably live, even if that means you have to refrain from certain other things (socially/financially/leisurely), because one thing matters most in this phase of your life: feeding your baby, who is so dependent on you nursing and nurturing him. It is very simple: a mother cannot nurture her infant when she is not there. As hard as that may be to hear or to realize: it is true, even if it were only because to a baby, someone not there does not exist. But it probably even goes for adults: you cannot comfort someone (and most likely will not feel comforted by someone), when the attention is not with the other person undividedly. What we as humans often need most, is undivided loving care and attention and closeness. When a mom is close, she doesn't need to pump, so it is, imo, a contradictio in terminis to say that making choices that cause your life to move "in many directions at once" could have the simultaneous effect of directing your attention, your life at "the one thing that matters most", your baby.
Apart from that, it is utter nonsense and unlike a grown-up view to say that "your life is moving in many directions". You yourself are the one that moves that life in all those directions; saying that your life does so, is putting yourself in a victim role, that, fortunately enough, still allows you to do something for your baby that matters most by expressing with an Ameda pump... :-s

Express your love with Ameda.


**Repetition always works and this finding is really clever. In Dutch it wouldn't work ;-) but in English it does (due to the double meaning of "express").

Well, so much for breaking this little text up in small items.
Now ahead to the promised editing, that depends upon the primary meaning that Ameda wants to bring across.
I'll try and keep it as short as it is right now, although that may mean making a choice and therefore not covering all issues/options, as that would be too much for a short text.
I don't pretend to write a printable text; I just want to try and bring a different message across.

EXPRESS YOUR LOVE. You love being a mother. Your baby loves you and needs your body that nurtures him.
When you are not there to breastfeed him live, he can still enjoy the superior quality of your milk.
Busy moms rely on Ameda breast pumps to help them meet their breastfeeding goals.
With Ameda products, pumping is easy, even in the work place.
So even during working hours, you'll be gently reminded of what matters most.
Express your love with Ameda.

And a second try:

EXPRESS YOUR LOVE. You and your baby are so close. Even when your body is not with her, your mind probably is.
And your milk...? Busy moms rely on Ameda breast pumps to help them meet their breastfeeding goals.
Pumping during hours away can help safeguard production for when you are home with your baby.
So when you have several responsibilities at the same time, the one connected to what matters most better be comfortable.
Express your love with Ameda.


Curious as to whether this gives rise to comments ;o),
kindly,

Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands

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