Dear Friends:
Jeanette made a lovely comment about rehearsing responses to situations
that can shock us into silence.
Diane DiSandro has given me permission to share one of hers.
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" With all the corporate work I do, virtually all of my clients are going
back to work and leaving their babies. I can say nothing, except to encourage
the ones who are considering staying home longer... All of them will be
leaving bottles. Some of them will not be able to pump enough, and their babies
will need abm. A mom with little ones, who is working fulltime, pumping
and trying to juggle everything does not need more guilt from anyone!
But one nugget I use when they discuss early on if they are thinking of
quitting and going to abm is this. I tell them that of course babies do fine on
formula (I am not the one to bring this up...just validating her thought or
what she heard from the dr). In the tone of helping ease her guilt, I mention
that we all know that McDonald's is not the ultimate nutrition for ourselves
or our children...but that there are weeks that we all eat more fast food
than we know we should...and we are still here to tell about it. I affirm
that we can only do the best we can do...but that sometimes fastfood is the best
we can do.
Somehow equating abm with greasy fast food has often gotten them thinking
and changing their minds. No guilt thrown. No bf fanatic harping on her. But
the mom can't stand the thought of her baby having fast-food nutrition. And
I can feel as if I have at least done something..."
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Linda Smith gave permission to offer another way:
"I too am shocked when a mom rejects BF. It’s hard for me to face my fear of
rejection when I opt to tell a hard truth. It’s far easier to tell hard
facts to a lecture audience than an individual mother in front of me. The hardest
part for me is thinking on my feet and coming back with a sensible response.
“Weaning certainly sounds easier now. However, you will live with this
decision forever. Breastfeeding must have been important to you, or you wouldn’t
have started. Breastfeeding is REALLY important to your baby too. Would you
like me to bolster your determination to continue, help with the problem, or
help you transition to artificial feeding? "
I’m reminded of an old proverb: “Woe to you who promise comfort, when no
comfort can be given” or something like that.
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What other ways can we sustain a dialogue with a mother when faced with this
most difficult situation? We want to be true to the truth; and also honor
the mother, the baby, breastfeeding and ourselves while keeping the door open.
Some blessed work we have to do.
warmly,
Nikki Lee RN, MS, Mother of 2, IBCLC, CCE
Maternal-Child Adjunct Faculty Union Institute and University
Film Reviews Editor, Journal of Human Lactation
www.breastfeedingalwaysbest.com
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