In a message dated 99-11-08 01:08:28 EST, you write:

<< In reference to the scheduled triplets--why did it not occur to these
 parents to feed the babies on the scheduled that coincided with the baby
 that gets hungry first and not the baby that gets hungry last?  To make 2
 babies wait because the third one has a greater capacity to go longer
 between feedings is almost beyond belief.  Sigh >>


Why might it not have occurred to these parents? Possibly because they have
had a foot on separate roller coasters of hope and despair with one or two
babies doing better while another one or two have been ill and survival or
prognosis questionable. They often have been running between babies at home
and babies in the hospital. Their pregnancy, birth and postpartum/infant care
experiences have been totally out of their control and often abominable.
Possibly they are still holding themselves back a bit in terms of attachment
and seeing one or more of their babies in terms of unique individuals in case
anything still happens to one or more--not to mention how different the
attachment process is even when all are healthy at birth...

Possibly it is because these parents are so sleep deprived that they are
living in a fog that can last months (or years)--a fog in which they feel
physically numb by the end of the day and they are not even sure of their own
names much less entertain any other coherent thought. Possibly it is because
so many others--who have never had the around-the-clock care of two, three or
more newborns for any period--have so much well-intentioned advice but little
credibilty for parents who may worry that implementing that advice may worsen
a situation they feel they are barely coping with.

In my experience the more multiples in a set, the more need a mother
expresses for a set daily routine--whether to cope, regain some feeling of
control, whatever. Also, most mothers of multiples, including higher-order
sets, are willing to be flexible to a point when one or more babies is
negatively affected by the current routine, but they often are too tired
and/or overwhelmed to brainstorm new approaches. It helps to work with a
mother to develop strategies that will fit the reality.

Karen Kerkhoff Gromada (LLLL for 22 years of a special LLL group for mothers
of multiples)

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