> When this was looked at locally the administrator asked why the
>fatigue?  WHY are the moms so tired? Is it the hospital routine (no
>sleeping during the day)? ... We ran focus groups with parents and
>quickly discovered it was visitors both theirs and their room mates that
>were the greatest problem.

Good point. When I teach childbirth classes, I let parents know
that having a lot of company in the first few weeks is exhausting.
It is the job of friends and family to help you, not your job
to entertain them. I tell them that one of the ways Dads can help
out is to run interference when there are too many visitors, and if
Dad's don't feel comfortable with that, since these are their
families and friends, I encourage them to ask the nurses' help in
this. Nurses are very good at being firm and gentle and part
of their job is playing the bad guy and asking people to leave
when Mom is too tired and needs rest.

I also tell people to accept offers of help at home. I suggest
two things: first, that they have a list of things that need
doing by their phone and when someone calls to ask what they
can do to help, TELL THEM. Each family's list is different,
take the other kids out to a museum or park, run a vacuum,
run a load of laundry, whatever.
The second thing is that the best thing their friends can
do is cook a nice casserole, some pasta and a salad, bring it
to the house, ring the doorbell and go home! New parents
should not be entertainging they should be cared for. We just
don't get that in our culture.

Naomi Bar-Yam

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