I'm forwarding this post in hopes of some excellent help from you
excellent people. Please share with the list and/or email me directly.
Thanks in advance for your consideration.
> I've just been diagnosed with breast cancer, and the doctors' concensus (2 surgeons, in conjunction
> with my ob/gyn) is that I have to wean my 1-year-old dd immediately. I was down in Sydney when I got
> the test results (doctor #1 said to wean urgently). I decided to go home to the States and had my
> mom talk to my ob/gyn to get a referral and see her opinion on the weaning. My ob/gyn suggested that
> maybe I could stop just in the affected breast (so it could dry up before surgery), but that bf in the
> other one might be OK. I did continue to bf on the other side through the flight home (I didn't want to
> have to face that without bf). When I got here, the surgeon said that I absolutely had to wean
> immediately because he wanted both breasts dried up before he surgery because of (1) ease of
> getting the tumor out, (2) minimal milk leakage into the incision afterwards, (3) I'll be facing chemo as
> soon as possible after the surgery; another reason given by doctor #1 was (4) elimination !
> of potential effect of prolactin on the tumor itself. Another reason, I suppose, is just so I can have all of
> my energy going toward fighting the cancer rather than have some of it going toward bf. He gave me
> some pills to help dry up the milk so I can have surgery ASAP. It's currently scheduled for Thursday.
>
> I've followed his advice--I really want to do anything I can to stop the cancer, which may already be in
> an advanced stage--but I'm feeling horrible and guilty about weaning my dd. The nights are awful
> because of the combination of jet lag with no nursing, and I feel so bad for her. Everyone is
> reassuring me that she'll be fine, and nutritionally speaking they're probably right, but I feel as if I've
> had a huge part of my parenting skills ripped out, and she looks at me with her "want to nurse" cry
> and I just sob because I can't give her what she wants. I know that I would never risk bf while going
> through chemotherapy, so I'd be facing a quick weaning process regardless, but this cold turkey
> approach is heart wrenching.
>
> Do you know of any way to help my dd through this other than cuddling, having my dh help her at
> night so she's not reminded of me & can develop new falling-asleep patterns, and distracting her as
> much as possible? Any ideas on how long this stage will last? I feel as if I've lost my main comforting
> tool, and I don't want her to become permanently unhappy or temper-tantrum-prone.
>
> Does anyone know of anywhere that I can get support for dealing with this type of situation? I know
> that it's uncommon for nursing moms to get breast cancer, and I'm only 29 with no risk factors, so I'm
> feeling very alone. I really need to talk to someone who's gone through abrupt weaning for other
> reasons or who's dealt with breast cancer when they've had young children.
>
> This is just so hard! I've gone from looking forward to child-led weaning and possibly tandem nursing
> (I was just starting to get the itch for child #2), to an unwanted weaning and questions about the
> possibility--or even morality--of having another child, and huge questions about what I'll be doing in the
> future.
>
> Any support or suggestions that you have are appreciated.
--
Monique
Noah Schaefers 6/97
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