----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Lynn" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, December 30, 2007 9:20 PM
Subject: [LACTNET] psychic powers


> What kills me is when they "get it" and they have to grieve all over 
> again, and more deeply, and do the hard work of figuring out where the 
> spiral started, where they might be culpable, and then having to forgive 
> themselves.  That is a hard row to hoe.

**That is true, Lynn, and yet I prefer this hard process to never ever 
coming to some kind of insight and understanding. What I find tricky in 
women who don't understand where their situation went wrong, is that they 
pass their story on as a blow of fate or wrapped in fairy tales and wrong 
information, thereby possibly causing a setback for new moms in their social 
environment, who may think this can happen to them as well, not realizing 
they may be misinformed or incompletely informed. I think it is hard, but 
healing and cleansing to understand what went wrong and where. If mothers 
pass thát story on to others, they can add hope and knowledge: "This is what 
happened to me, but you can make better decisions and ask for help and then 
have a beautiful bf experience." Not understanding what happened also can 
keep mothers in a victim role, where it would instead be empowering to gain 
strength from having an new chance with a new baby when you know what can be 
altered.
And sometimes you really see it coming and then they say: "I had to wean", 
where I know: "You didn't have to wean, you decided to wean." Having to wean 
makes you a victim; deciding to wean makes you a responsible adult. Having 
to wean is really rare, but funny enough the decision to wean is also rare, 
because many women don't make that decision consciously, because they 
*think* they *have* to wean.
I would really love to get more competent at helping mothers to become 
consciously aware of the fact that they are making decisions instead of 
being 'ordered' to wean or supplement or whatever, because I think this 
feeling at the beginning of motherhood can have a longlasting impact on the 
mother-child relationship, as I believe the strength of the mother reflects 
on the child. Any thoughts and reflections on this, I would really 
appreciate!

Warmly,

Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands (and eating too many 'knieperties' (say: 
cneepertees), a local tradition New Year's cookie, baked by our 11-year old 
daughter, causing a lovely smell in the house! ;-)) 

             ***********************************************

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