Some thoughts about this situation, I think instead of asking her to consider other options, just present all the options in a neutral manner and she will take what works for her and leave the rest behind, as we used to say in LLL (we used to say that we were a Smorgasbord of breastfeeding help, lol!). Let her know that this process would be easier for the biological mom to accomplish, once you've said that, if she says it's not possible for whatever reason, you have your answer. Except I am confused, is it the birth mother who had breast reduction surgery? I wasn't sure from your post. If so, it might not be easier for her to make milk than the other mother who had previously breastfed. Just no way to know ahead of time on that one. I have also worked with a few lesbian couples before and have found this situation seems to be fairly common in which one partner has the baby, but has no interest in breastfeeding for whatever reason, but the non-pregnant
 person does want to breastfeed. They are doing what works best for them, but in my mind I think it would have been easier to have the person who is interested in breastfeeding be the one who is pregnant (of course in this situation the other mother was post-menopausal). I think it works best when we offer information and not advice, and not try to talk her into things. She's the one that has to determine what works best for her and her partner.  In our minds, the non-birth mother "may reap the joy" of making milk, but for some women, they don't view breastfeeding that way. It's always possible that she may change her mind when she sees her baby, but she might not. If you stay neutral and she changes her mind she will ask for your help in initiating breastfeeding. If she feels pushed, she might just pull back and not ask for your help anymore. You might also bring up the possibility to the birth mother of exclusive pumping if she is completely opposed to
 putting the baby to breast. She may be more receptive to that. I like your idea of having both of them attempt to produce milk for the babies. They would have a better chance between the two of them. I would just include that in your list of suggestions along with donor milk, including risks and benefits of that, etc. Then they will look at all their options and decide what works best for them.

Good luck,

Tricia Shamblin, RN, IBCLC

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