To those who wanted to know what I meant when I said that sex isn't all that
pleasurable for many women (and even men) around the world, here goes:

A very large percentage of the world's women are subject to one form or
another of genital mutilation (sometimes called female circumcision).  This
can range from the mildest, removal of the hood of the clitoris (analogous
to male circumcision), to clitoridectomy (removal of the clitoris) to
partial or full infibulation, where the labia minora and majora are sliced
off in addition to the clitoris, and the raw edges are sewn together across
the midline, leaving a tiny hole for urination and eventually for
menstruation.  This is done to some girls in infancy, others in childhood,
others at puberty, and other right before marriage.  The scar usually must
be cut open with a knife after marriage to allow intercourse, and again cut
more for each childbirth.  Often the woman will be re-sewn, nice and tight
for her husband's sexual pleasure, after each birth.  Oftentimes extensive
scarring and infection occurs, and many women are left with great pain
during intercourse.  In some cultures, men will have their wives re-sewn
whenever the husbands are going to be gone for any length of time.  Even in
the mild form of clitoridectomy, the woman is left without the main source
of sexual pleasure, and most report nothing resembling an orgasm, though
that may be due to the nature of sex itself (see below).

In Mali, girls have clitoridectomies at an early age (usualy six months).
But I don't think that even with intact clitorises, they would get much
pleasure from sex.  In 1990, Claudia Fishman (another anthropologist) and I
were working in northern Mali in rural villages, doing surveys on infant
feeding practices and health.  We had six educated, professional Malian
health workers helping us on the project, and one day the 8 of us were
sitting around talking about a government study to figure out which sort of
birth control measures would work best in Mali.  The government had given
different groups of married women condoms, IUDs, diaphragms, cervical caps,
and spermicidal sponges.  Well, the sponges were a total failure because you
had to insert them, then wait TWO MINUTES for the sponge to hydrate and
swell up (up by the cervix) before having intercourse.  The women in this
study group reported that there was no way their husbands were willing/able
to wait two minutes between wanting to have intercourse and beginning it.
We ask these 6 women to describe a typical sexual encounter and they all
agreed that usually the husband just walks up to the woman, wherever she
is/whatever she is doing, and says "I want sex."  And she goes in the house
and lays down and spreads her legs, and it happens.  We asked what about
foreplay and lubrication and being ready and in the mood -- and they looked
at us like we were from another planet.  We asked "well, doesn't it hurt if
you aren't ready?" and they said "Yes, of course it hurts, but you just look
at the wall and try to think of something else, and it's over soon."  They
said a typical encounter took about two minutes total, so you can see why
the man wouldn't want to wait two minutes.  I can't see how this would be a
whole lot of pleasure for the man either, other than satisfying some basic
primal urge to procreate.  Remember that Malians don't kiss, and don't
engage in any sort of oral sex.  They were downright unbelieving when we
described what we thought we pretty typical American sexual behaviors.  None
reported having an orgasm, and there is apparently no word in the Bambara
language for orgasm that would refer to a female (only the equivalent of
"ejaculation" for the man).  We explained the phrase "Slam, bam, thank you
ma'am" and they all laughed and agreed that fit their experiences, except
for the polite thank you.

Remember that a fair percentage of these women have various untreated
vaginal infections (yeast, herpes, more serious STDS) that would make even
the gentlest intercourse painful.

Remember too that in many parts of the world parents are having sex in a
room full of other people, so they must keep it pretty quick and quiet so
the kids/other relatives don't wake up, or aren't disturbed too much.

Remember finally that many women have no say in who they marry, so they may
be having sex with someone they don't particularly like.  In Mali, most
marriages are still arranged by the parents, and the men and women get most
of their emotional fulfillment from their friends and relatives, not their
spouses.

Also, in a few societies (the Mundurucu of Brazil come readily to mind) the
men punish any transgression on the part of the women with a gang rape --
clearly showing that they view sexual intercourse as a punishment for women.

*That's* what I meant when I said that sex was not necessarily particularly
pleasurable for women or men.  Sometimes I'm sorry I know all this stuff.....

Kathy D.