I appreciated Nikki's post on the mom who said she had decided not to breast
feed, and how she went about telling this mom some of the important things
she needs to consider, in a kind and caring manner.
This topic always reminds me of my frustration over getting virtually no
information or support to help me nurse my first two adopted babies (who are
now 20 and 17) from the LLL leaders I consulted. Neither knew much about
adoptive nursing specifics, but what I really needed most from them was help
with positioning, especially with my first, and with latch, with my second.
At the time, I thought that either there wasn't anything that could be done
about the problems we were having and/or that they didn't think I was worth
their time, because I wasn't producing any breast milk and hadn't given
birth to my babies. However, I think that, because of my extreme insecurity
about the situation, they misinterpreted my tone as a desire to be given
permission to give up and bottle feed and/or that my discomfort made them
uncomfortable. I would have, actually, been extremely grateful, had they
offered to be present at a feeding with the Lact-Aid, and evaluate things.
With my first, it would have required only having him turned toward me
better, to make a difference in my sore, cracked, nipples. With my second,
I suspect, looking back, that what needed to be done was to pull his tongue
out, which would have made it so that his suck was efficient enough to be
able to get the Lact-Aid to flow better, and also get me started producing
some milk. I had more guilt in store, when I found another mother who was
willing to donate some of her milk for my second baby, who was not doing
well at all, before that. I was extremely grateful to her, of course, but I
know that, if I'd been able to improve his latch, he would have been getting
the 4-6 ounces a day that he got from her, from me, in a month or so, and
eventually gotten significantly more than that.
Those LLL leaders were actually in a position where they could have made it
so that my first two babies had the benefits of nurturing at the breast and
a significant amount of breast milk, until they were ready to wean, like my
last four did. They just couldn't tell by what they saw and heard from me.
This is why I believe that it is better to risk telling moms a bit more than
they want to hear, than to risk having them go without information that
might permit their babies to have the benefits of breastfeeding for a good
long while. As long as it is done in a caring and considerate manner, I
don't think we need to feel badly about offering a bit more information than
they ask for. They might actually be hoping for it!
Aloha,
Darillyn
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