>I'm cutting and pasting from Michele Crockett's post which had a different
>subject heading ("Families/Visitors at birth or post-birth"), so hers
>doesn't appear with all these posts in the archives for this week.
>
>Michele wrote as her concluding paragraph:
>"Perhaps the best RULE would be honored by both families/friends and
>hospital staff.  Baby stays on momma in the first 36 hours except for
>showers and bathroom time when the baby is on the primary caregiver of the
>mother and baby on discharge.  Family and friends who don't get it and only
>want time with baby will soon leave and those that do get it will be real
>supporters of this couplet and will be there when she needs them to be.
>Warmly,
>Michele"


I like that one, too, Rachel.....it meets the needs of the baby, and 
honours any special requests from the mothers who want more than one 
or two people with her.

>
>I agree. Also agree with Nina Berry that there is no rule that fits
>everyone. And I was surprised to find myself disagreeing with Heather
>Welford, because I think some mothers (and some babies) do suffer from
>being prevented from having contact with others in the first hour after
>birth.


I would hate mothers' wishes *not* to be at the centre of any policy.

Yes,  I find it hard to believe there is any actual suffering going 
on if mother, father,  mother-in-law, aunt and uncle, cousins and any 
other Tom, Dick or Harry  are asked to wait a couple of hours, and 
even the mother who wants them all there may in time come to 
appreciate the calm richness of those early moments as a new family, 
with her baby and her nearest-and-dearest (whoever that is).  But it 
should be a mother's genuine choice at the time.

(I am also conscious of other mothers' needs. In the UK, it is very 
rare for a mother to have her own room postnatally. Once she has 
given birth, if there are no problems, she and her baby will be taken 
pretty speedily to the ward which she will share with (usually) 7 
other mothers, sometimes 5 others, and in a few places 3 others.  I 
know this is not the case elsewhere, where mothers may have their own 
room. All these mothers have recently given birth, and their privacy 
and need for quiet have to be respected, too. )

I do take your point, Rachel, that family members ideally are more 
sensitive to the emotional needs of the mother. And WOW for the story 
of little Nella and her entrance, and how those wonderful friends and 
family were integral to the whole thing....clearly that's what that 
mother *wanted* and it turned out, truly needed.

And yet.

Some friends and family are really not sensitive and kind. And the 
ones who are not are likely to be among those who will manage to 
override, not listen to or otherwise ignore what the mother wants or 
needs, in ways in which the mother herself is not even fully aware.

But if Michele's RULE (baby snuggled up with mother the whole time) 
applies, then I could live with that :)

Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK
-- 
http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk

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