In a message dated 98-03-19 22:28:47 EST, you write:

<< She was molested twice as a child and feels dirty about breastfeeding. My
 question is that in this case my idea is that maybe it would be better for
 her to bottlefeed. <snip>
 What are some of your ideas on this.  Have you ever had to deal with someone
 who you just didn't feel needed to breastfeed? >>

This mother's problem isn't breastfeeding, it's her feelings about her own
body due to the molestation.  While it makes sense to put breastfeeding on a
back burner when dealing with a mom who has undone such trauma, don't forget
that a positive, healthy look at one's own body is part of what breastfeeding
can do for a woman.  Also, with this mom's strong family history of cancer,
the protective effects of breastfeeding for both herself and her child may be
doubly important!

It may be more productive to gently urge her into a counseling or therapy that
will address the root issues, *then* let Mom make the decision, rather than
simply accept that she can't do it.  Of course she still may not, but she
deserves a chance to make an informed decision and get the emotional support
she needs.

If you can find out about any therapists or counseling centers in her area who
deal with this sort of thing and give her a list of those resources, it may
make it a lot easier for her take the first step.  Of course the decisions --
whether or not to try breastfeeding, whether or not to *use* the resources
you've provided -- are all hers, but at the very least you may be helping her
come to terms with a very difficult issue that she'll be dealing with for the
rest of her life.  You may even be able to help provide the support she'll
need to breastfeed, if only for a short time.

These are hard situations.  A woman who has been through the devastating
experience of molestation almost *has* to have some pretty deep trauma that
affects her feelings about herself.  How wonderful it would be if your support
could help her to get on a path toward healing, especially if nurturing her
child at her breast can be a part of that.

Diane DiCarlo
LLLLeader
Brooklyn, NY