Catherine,

It is very unfortunate that this poor baby was weaned because he was
'too attached to his mother'!  Some babies are just high need babies.
That doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong.  Dr. William
Sears wrote a wonderful book called "The Fussy Baby" which addresses the
issue of a child who can't be put down, who needs mother all the time,
etc.  It is wonderfully written, and helps many, many mothers who have
high need babies.  Another fantastic book is "Raising Your Spirited
Child", by Mary Sheedy Kurchinka.  Both books help parents to better
understand the needs of their children, and give wonderful coping
strategies.

Hopefully this mother will call the lactation consultant.  It will take
some work to get her fully lactating again, but it can be done.  The
mother and baby pair would also benefit from using a sling, so he can be
close to mom.  Hopefully she'll consider finding a more attachment
oriented day care too, (or other arrangements for his care), if she must
continue to work.

I have three children.  My two boys were very high need-very much
similar to the situation here-would not let anyone else hold them, cried
if put down, wanting to nurse all the time, etc.  It is not always easy,
but understanding that the need for mom, the need to feel secure by
being held, and the attachment are all true NEEDS helps to put things
into perspective.  My two boys (now 9 and 6) grew to be shy children,
but they are coming out of their shells as they become older.  They are
both happy, well-adjusted children who are independent.  They are not
psychologically scarred because I held them so much during the first two
years of their lives.  As they became more sure of themselves, they
started venturing out.

It is sad to think that the 'norm' is that the baby must always be
content NOT to be held.....

My fondest memories are of holding my two precious high-need boys, and
breastfeeding them on demand.

Terri Wolber,
Fairport, NY

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