Hi Susan,
Yes, I'm sure it is possible to coerce (or perhaps bribe) an older
child to nurse, although I'm pretty sure I couldn't have coerced any of
my own 3 children, if they really didn't want to, without rather severely
abusive tactics. It's just that those of us who've experienced nursing an
older child find it an unlikely scenario. The much likelier scenario is
that those around this mother and child are starting from the assumption
that nursing to such an age is de facto abusive.
I've heard so many times a variation on the opinion: 'once they get
to be xx age, it's really for the mother's benefit' or 'it's really the
mother who wants to continue' or 'she's doing it for herself, not the
child'. The reality is usually quite different. It's the child who
continues to show the need and desire and the mother who continues for
her child's sake, sometimes despite finding it irritating (especially
during a subsequent pregnancy), challenging or socially embarrassing
(thus the 'closet'). At one time, I must admit, I thought a child would
nurse past, say, 2 years, only with strong encouragement from the mother,
but that was before my second son educated me. His weaning at age 4 was
a real struggle on his part, and he decided to give it up mainly because
of his father's urging and his perception that it was something his
friends would disapprove of. I, meanwhile, had done all I could to
gently encourage him to wean, especially once I became pregnant. In a
society that supported extended nursing, I'm sure he would have continued
nursing longer.
If you think of nursing at this age as analogous to having an
attachment object, it's certainly not unusual for the occasional
6-year-old to still be attached to that blankie, or still sucking his
thumb, or whatever. It's just much more likely that this boy wasn't
ready to let go of nursing (especially if his life, with the divorce and
all, was stressful) than that this mother figured out a way to get him to
nurse unwillingly.
The one thing that I do know for sure is that we don't, and probably
will never, have enough information to judge the merits of this
individual case. I just hope that in the future, there will be more
tolerance for the idea that extended nursing is a healthy parenting
alternative.
Marcia McCoy, IBCLC
freezing in sub-zero (Fahrenheit AND Celsius) Minnesota and realizing
that if I ever ran for public office, these postings would not be a good
idea - much too personal :-)
Susan wrote:
I've been reading with interest the story of the six year old
breastfeeding. I know some of you think it is "impossible to force a
child" that age to breastfeed but I would have to disagree. A young
child can be forced or coerced to do just about anything. When people
ask me how long they should nurse, I usually answer as long as the
mother and baby are happy with it. That can be 2 months or 2 years.
I have had a handful of (closet) nursers who have breastfed 4 and 5 year
olds. I am supportive of it as long as the relationship seems healthy -
the child is happy and has playmates his/her own age. I think it is a
form of abuse to force or coerce an older child to nurse against his
wishes. While most breastfeeding relationships are beneficial and
healthy, we shouldn't dismiss the fact that there might be a occassional
one that isn't.
Susan Nachman-Srebrnik, IBCLC
Ranana, Israel
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