Dear Judy, I read your story about Danielle with sadness and recognised the
reality of many of us women.  The point is that it is easy as the one 'doing
the act' of bringing forth our babies to be dazed, out of it and unaware and
unresponsive. this is the problem with and due to the generally substandard
assistance ( it is called wrongly 'care') women get both antenatally and
during labour and aargh (thanks Jack!) post natally.

You see, women need people around them who can support, cherish and nuture
women, mother women, who are growing, birthing and parenting their babies.
Ante natal and labour care fails women. Fails to honour the process, fails
to keep women on track - because it is immense, immense physical,
psychological, spiritual, emotional, culturally significant work that women
do in childbearing.  Men can't do it, the partners I mean, though the
goddess knows we have tried to make them coaches....it is their experience
too, they are vulnerable and needy (not that they want to admit it mind :-).
this issue of substandard attention to childbearing and our preoccupation
with surveillance of the pregnancy (not the pregnant woman) is my hot
button..... Any trained monkey can take a blood pressure,  measure a fundus
and test urine.....and recognise a variation from normal...

but what about caring for the whole woman, what about exploring the reality
of being pregnant, how the dynamics change, how the relationship shifts, how
the body image alters as the physical shape alters.  modern obstetric care
is searching for problems, it is not about honouring the miracle of the
growing baby and the power and wonder of the birth process - even if the
women develops a problem with her pregnancy and the watchful eye is on the
look out for this whilst being with woman on her journey into
parenthood..... we congratulate people for climbing mountains and sailing
around the world, but women who labour we want to medicate....

An obstetrician said to me 'I don't want to deal with the boring petty
worries of pregnant women, I want to deal with the real stuff, the drama",
that's fine by me.....I know the exploring of and dealing with the petty
worries, reduces the stress hormones and avoids the fight or flight response
and reduces interference with the natural process.

So to labour and the lack of the attendees (midwives are 'with women' not
'with injection' or 'with doctor' or 'with institution') ability or interest
in helping women stay on track with what they are in labour for...to remind
them...to talk them through, to assist them to stay focused.... and to bring
their attention to the baby negotiating its way through the pelvis.  It is
hard, hard work and to stay on track takes support and encouragement and
excellence in midwifery both antenatally so women know what to expect...and
I don't mean the horror stories, the tv, cinematic versions, I don't mean
the problem focused issues, I mean the sensations associated with progress
in labour, for the woman to know the feelings of descent and the ability to
recognise that birth is imminent and the knowledge of the way her body
works.  And the midwifes role at birth is to totally involve the woman and
her partner in the birth....it is no longer enough for a midwife to
'deliver', the woman delivers and the midwife assists......and assists the
woman to recognise when the baby is ready to take the breast... the
tentative licking movements that newborns exhibit....


>I just looked at her
>and thought "How nice. Red hair, blue face." Much much later I berated
>myself at my reaction, or rather, non-reaction to my firstborn.

Judy, you were "in the system" and working hard.  The system failed you.  I
berate the midwife for not encouraging you, for not bringing your attention
to your baby, for not involving you....you had been doing wonders birthing
your baby. It was the midwife's job to encourage your reaction. To bring
your attention to the new life in your hands and remind you to welcome her.
any new task is difficult to conceptualise and take in all at once.  We
human beings are interdependent and need to be able to rely on each other.

>Why in
>heaven's name wasn't I just a teeny bit UPSET (yes, a yell) that my baby
>was as blue as a Smurf? Must've been feeling prettttty goooood from the
>narcotic! BTW, I didn't ask for it - the needle was shoved into my
>bottom.

and in those days, as in these days in some places, you probably had a
hypnotic and soporific as well, cocktails were and still are popular amongst
those who would like to numb our experience. so no wonder you couldn't
respond.  And how come the midwife used medication instead of reading the
signs of labour?  And how dare they give you medication without your fully
informed consent?

>BTW, pt. 2, Danielle is learning disabled. I wonder why????

This may be, in fact and probably is, unrelated.  Current research indicates
that cerebral palsy or learning difficulties are not usually attributable to
intrapartum events. Please avoid blaming yourself. We women are good at
guilt, we are educated to believe everything is our fault.

on with the revolution!

warm regards, Carolyn