This reminds me of a post a few months ago re: ebm flowing much faster out of a bottle because it doesn't have the density of formula.. this may explain why some babies may refuse ebm via bottle, in which case one might choose to hunt for the slowest flow nipple around. Likewise, baby may object to the taste due to excess lipase.. that said, babies, given opportunity, will choose their mother's milk over anything else.. it is biologically logical.. a baby who refuses its mother's milk would not survive long outside of a culture that provides ample substitutions. And one can surmise, I suppose, that in previous times, when survival of the fittest was reality, those babies that would not or could not breastfeed did not survive.

We do, always, have to be sensitive to each mother's personal circumstances without judgement. We, none of us, can assume we know where a mother is at, where she is coming from or where she is headed, but, by offering non judgmental support and kindness, we can hope to help her be the best mother she can be. My experience has long been that this acceptance has a huge impact on a mother's self efficacy. And these mothers, having a positive experience with their LC or LLLL or WIC counselor or MD, are much more likely to support others in their breastfeeding efforts, including their daughters, as well as their peers. Not having an agenda for a mother is a win-win. 

I once helped a mother whose own mother died in her early teens. Her father was an alcoholic and she was responsible for taking care of her two younger brothers. Her father died when she was in her early 20s and her brothers in their early teens. She was then their legal guardian. When she had her first baby in her late twenties - the task of being her baby's sole source of nourishment was so overwhelming that breastfeeding was quickly going down the tubes.. at one point I reminded her that breastfeeding did not have to be all or nothing (I didn't know what else to say). She nursed her baby for over a year but never exclusively and it took her many years to work through her grief. I only knew about her background after the fact - and she was an amazing support for other breastfeeding women. We all have stories like this. 

I suspect that for many many women, breastfeeding is so loaded... the mother's grief at not being breastfed, the grandmother's grief from not breastfeeding.. looking at the perspective that there is more to breastfeeding than breastmilk.. and the anger that some of us have carried because of our own health losses from not being breastfed, or not being supported in breastfeeding.. this is a loaded subject on so many levels. And then we have guilt.. aiaiaiaiaiii..

Only way through, IMHO, is to meet women where they are at. Support them. Provide them with accurate information. Honor their motherhood. Be kind. Champion their journey. Let it go.

Celina D. LLLL, IBCLC.

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