Actually, I wouldn't recommend trying to be tactful. Polite, yes. Tactful, no. Instead, be direct.

Catherine's polite-yet-direct approach sounds like exactly the tone to take overall, but I would actually not recommend getting into explanations of how you can't accept gifts in return for referrals. If you do that, it leaves it open for him to tell you that actually it wasn't a referral, he just wanted to give you something as a friend... and you'll feel even more creeped on. Just tell him you have thought it over and can't accept gifts from someone whom you only know in a professional capacity and are returning it. Also, tell him you would rather he didn't make personal comments about you on his Facebook page in future, as your relationship is strictly professional. If there are any more specific examples of things he said or did that you thought were out of line, feel free to list those as well.

Unfortunately, if he's the sort of person who will become belligerent if faced with that approach, he is also the sort of person who will push further and further and make you more and more uncomfortable if *not* faced with that approach. I know it's horrible, but setting a clear and firm boundary is actually likely to lead to less difficulty for you in the long run.

Do you by any chance have e-mail addresses for both him and his wife? If so, e-mail him rather than writing (sending the gift certificate back separately with a short cover note) and cc his wife in. That then leaves him with some explaining to do, which clips his wings somewhat. If you do write, make sure you save a copy of the letter so that all correspondence is documented in case of future problems with him.

If he tries to take you up on the offer to meet outside of work, tell him that you've decided on further thought not to do that, but if he's still interested in breastfeeding advocacy then ring this number/visit this webpage/check out this resource. Keep all contacts brief and businesslike (again, love Catherine's scripts), and feel free to cut him off at any time if you're feeling uncomfortable. A firm “I'm sorry, I have some other work to do now” is perfectly appropriate at any time (even if you don't have anything to do and just want to be rid of him!) If he says anything out of line, feel free to give him a long icy stare followed up with “That was really inappropriate. Please don't do that again” in chilly tones.

http://www.captainawkward.com is a fantastic go-to resource for boundary-setting both on the subject of creepers and in general (though it's a general advice column, so you may have to dig through some stuff – I can't offhand remember the references to any particular post). If you find any posts that are helpful on there, I'd recommend at least skimming the comments as well, as they usually do an awesome job as a backup chorus with extra points.

Best of luck,

Sarah

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