I was pondering Nikki's post from yesterday this morning and wondering why  
some moms who have "chosen" to not breastfeed open up and are interested when 
it  is brought up, and some complain about harassment....
 
I think the ones that end up being interested are the ones that have  thought 
about breastfeeding, really want to breastfeed, but have been given  
misinformation (too young, don't eat right, smoke, have to go back to work, etc  etc). 
 The ones that accuse us of making them feel guilty regardless of how  gently 
we query their decisions are the ones that ALREADY feel guilty because  they 
know they are making their decision to bottle feed for selfish reasons  (It's 
not for me, I want my body back, I don't want a kid hanging off my boob,  it's 
yukky, etc etc).  Then Nikki (or someone else) comes in and gently  asks them 
if they have considered breastfeeding.  They don't want to even  think about 
it because it brings up their already conflicted feelings -- and  because they 
know they should -- if nothing else, for the health of their  baby.
 
So then it becomes easy to blame the messenger -- SHE made me feel guilty  
because I'm not breastfeeding; SHE harassed me about not breastfeeding -- and so 
 on.
 
Can we say "projection" here?  
 
The problem is, in a hospital situation, how do we distinguish between  those 
like Nikki's first mom who really wanted to breastfeed but was given  
incorrect information, and Nikki's second mom who runs off to report her to the  
management for "making her feel guilty."
 
Since the entire world, it seems like, is ready to throw the guilt card at  
those militant breastfeeding lactivists, it's a rough call.  
 
If I am making you feel guilty it is because you already do -- I'm just  
reminding you and bringing those repressed feelings to the surface -- you  already 
felt guilty.  I didn't do it to you.
 
Jan Barger -- who, for the first fall in 26 years, does not have a  child 
going to school -- no one in college, no one in grad  school....







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