I think "sitting on your hands" and verbally coaching the mother works
great for most mothers by the third or fourth day postpartum.  However,
it has been my experience that hands on assistance is essential for most
mothers need breastfeeding assistance in the first 24-48 hours
postpartum, which is the time frame in which I see most mothers.

I usually do a lot of hands on (with the mother's permission),
especially with first time mothers, the first feeding, or a least on the
first breast.  I try to help with two or three feedings, encouraging
increasing independence with each feeding.  The mothers seem happy with
this approach.

I think I remember Molly Pessl talking about mothers only being able to
learn by observing and doing in the first twenty-four hours postpartum.
I have also heard, probably read too, that this is the "taking in
phase."  The mother is primarily at this time processing her birth
experience and her new role as a parent.  Personally, I find many
mothers totally incapable of following verbal instructions during this
period unless they are given in conjunction with showing her what to do.

Many of you probably are familiar with the video, "Helping a Mother
Breastfeed."  The midwife in the video uses the technique I have
described--helps the mother with the first breast, lets mom take over
with some assistance and coaching on the second breast (at 36 hours
postpartum).

On the rare occasion that I see a mom a week or more postpartum, I find
it amazing at how well they can follow verbal instructions.  By then
they are comfortable handling their babies and have had lots of practice
(albeit not altogether "correct") at breastfeeding.

Just my .02 worth.

Bonnie Jones, RN, ICCE, IBCLC
Hospital lactation consultant from the sunny S.W. USA