In a message dated 99-03-10 00:11:10 EST, Gail wisely wrote:

<< And in regards to (or defense of as the case may be) American women - I
 don't know any that REALLY knew what it was going to be like being a mom. >>

I think this is a really key point.    I think one of the biggest differences
between American and many European societies, on the one hand, and many more
traditional societies (pace china) on the other, is that we simply have fewer
kids.   Many Americans have only one sibling, or none, and probably no cousins
living nearby, so that *even* if they themselves were bf they may *still* not
remember ever having seen a bf baby -- or indeed a baby at all, with all of
the baby behaviors we know are normal.   Teenage girls 20 years ago in America
nearly all babysat, partly because there were a lot of babies around to
babysit for; now, in my little corner of the world at least, there are few
teenage girls who can be left with a infant because there are few who have any
idea how infants behave or what they need.  Where would they learn?

If all the people you know sleep through the night and eat three meals a day,
and you've never seen a normal person  who didn't, or who didn't at least want
to, how are you supposed to internalize the idea that this isn't true of this
newest person in your life?

People have posted as if moms were plain selfish because they want eight
straight hours sleep and a game of tennis, but I think Gail is right:  parents
need to learn that this is OK **despite all their previous life experience to
the contrary.****   We complain that parents want babies to act like adults,
but those parents just want their babies to act the way, **in their
experience,*** normal humans act.   (This is a good thing for them to want --
after all it's what Kathy D wants too, though she had different criteria for
"normal humans"!)

 To fix their expectations, you have to fix their experience.  I think that is
one of the reasons women who come to a LLL meeting prenatally are more likely
to pull off successful bf even if they never come back: at least for an hour
and a half, they have seen normal, dependent, delicious babies.

Elisheva Urbas
NYC