Dear Susan,
        Don't decisions like this make you want to scream?
        The hardest part is that, here in the U.S. at least, the judges have a
lot of power in these cases and can do just about whatever they want.
        It's easy for us to see what is the 'right' thing from a justice point
of view - this child shouldn't be forced into more separation than he/she
is ready for.  However, in custody cases, you're forced to talk not so
much about what is 'right' as about what strategy will bring the best
outcome for this child - our instinct is to come out fighting and take a
moral stand, but that's not the stategy that always brings the best
result.
        Judges are very concerned about the child's bond with each parent and
tend to be punitive with the parent who seems to be resisting the
maintenance of that bond.  The mother who is solely concerned about her
child's welfare may sound to the judge like a vindictive ex who's trying
to keep father and child apart.  So it's very important that the mother
stress her willingness to cooperate - to come at bedtime and retrieve the
child or to arrange more frequent but shorter visits.  Hopefully,
breastfeeding/weaning shouldn't become the focus, but rather separatio.
(These two issues are often confused.  But we who've nursed toddlers know
that weaning will not make a child more independent, in fact, attempts to
wean may have exactly the opposite effect.)
        La Leche League's web-site (www.lalecheleague.org) has an excellent
section on legal issues that I encourage mothers in this type of
situation to share with their lawyers.  While it deals with U.S. laws
primarily, a lot of the information is pertinent in most jurisdictions.
I wish this mom good luck!
Marcia McCoy
LLLLeader in Maple Grove MN with only one present so far under her tree!

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