I thought Valerie's response re: the mother of the 3-yr. old who doesn't
want to stop nursing after mom's illness/hospitalization was interesting. I
too thought immediately "stop the pumping" and "the SNS would be too gadgety
with a child that age - better to spend the time snuggling, cuddling,
directing attention to the child".

Then I thought of 2 things: Valerie said " Unless this child's only source
of nutrition is mother's milk, supply is not as important as the time spent
comforting the child at the breast." BUT the baby *wasn't* feeling
"comforted at the breast", she was waking and crying when there was no milk
there at night. And I remember well that incredibly shocked and disbelieving
look my children gave me when they went back to nurse after weaning & found
nothing there - it's one of those moments I bet no mother ever forgets, one
of those experiences of true heartbreak when you realize that you don't hold
all the comfort and security and love your child will ever need right there
in your breasts.

The other thing was that, even though *I* would find the SNS too techy or
gizmo-y, they might not, so what the heck? She can try it, and if it doesn't
work well for them she can toss it with no harm done.

The bottom line, though, is what Valerie said - this mother & baby/child
need to have time to heal from their separation, whether it results in
renewed BFing or not. The solution won't be in how much milk comes from this
mother's breasts, it will be in how she & her daughter are able to resume
their close and loving relationship. Maybe it will include continuing BFing,
maybe it will be a time of change for them, but a disruption like this does
need to be healed, and the loss of BFing needs to be grieved. If you can't
"fix it", be sure you acknowledge the loss & don't try to rush her through
the need-to-grieve stage.

(Sensitive to this change/growth/grieving issue myself now - just came down
from prowling through my happily-off-at-college daughter's room, and can't
stop crying for missing her! And I am ashamed to feel so much grief, who has
never suffered the loss of a child or anything truly traumatic like many
families must go through. Then I remember what I would say to a friend who
found herself weeping over the normal growing up of a perfectly healthy,
thriving young woman - I would tell her that OF COURSE we grieve over
change, even when it's "good" change. That's what I'd tell this young mom
too, along with all the tricks I could think of to help her get her milk
back.)

Cathy Bargar RN IBCLC Ithaca NY

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