Valerie McClain writes:

>I just have to comment about the statement "...people feel guilty only
>when they know in their hearts that they are wrong." I know many women
>who feel guilty for breathing.  Sorry but some women feel guilty about
>everything.  And I do believe that the guilt may have no basis in
>reality.

Yes, Valerie, I agree.  And I disagree with Susan who says a woman who
feels permanently guilty 'for breathing' is in need of psychiatric help. I
think what Valerie means is that many women feel guilty no matter what they
do, about things they truly have no control over. Sometimes, yes, this is a
symptom of mental illness. It can also be a symptom of being a woman who
has faced/is facing great social and cultural pressure.

Think of women who feel guilty because of being sexually abused, for one
example.

We *have* to be sensitive to women who may feel guilty about not
breastfeeding IMHO -  emphatically *not* by hiding the truth about
breastfeeding, but by (among other approaches) maybe helping them
understand why they don't want to bf,  and/or helping them understand why
it didn't work out for them (the saddest stories I hear are from mothers
who desperately wanted to breastfeed and didn't manage it - often (almost
always) because of poor information and support). I have found it is
helpful to talk about 'sadness', 'regret', 'disappointment' with women,  so
they can name these feelings more accurately.

We can't dictate how people feel, or change their hearts for them...but we
can recognise and acknowledge that breastfeeding is a matter for the heart
as well as the body, with all the complexities that gives rise to.

heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc Newcastle upon Tyne UK

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