For Carol L'Esperance

Here's a story I sent Lactnet last year about a mother's trip to Hawaii.  You
might want to give it to the mother and dad you are working with.  Can the
mother tell her husband and everybody else flatly that she's NOT going to
Hawaii without her baby and see what they make of that?!  It would be one way
of letting them know how strongly she feels about the issue.

I remember reading stories in LLL publications about prize vacation trips in
which the father was the one who insisted that the mother-baby bond be
honored.  If the couple can present a united front, it'll be a lot easier on
the mother than if she is the only one who is defending her bf relationship.
The company will listen better to the father: he's their employee, and he's a
Man.  If HE refused to go to Hawaii without his baby, what a statement That
would make about "family values"!

Peace.  Chris.

>From 2/16/98
One mom I have never forgotten called me for help with planning a week-long
trip to Hawaii that her husband had won for being the best widget salesman in
his company.  She planned ahead carefully, wrote a detailed manual for her
mother in Maine who was to mind the baby (who was around 4 months old) for
her, pumped gallons of milk, taught her baby to drink from a bottle.  She flew
with her baby and her frozen milk to Maine a couple of days before the trip to
Hawaii and spent time seeing that her baby was well settled in with Grandma.

She called me on the night that she was back in Delaware getting ready for the
flight to Honolulu the next day.  She was grieving, mourning, devastated,
couldn't stop crying.  She missed her baby so much that she couldn't imagine
how she'd make it through a week without her.  She was angry at her husband
for wanting to take her away from the baby; she was angry at herself for
agreeing to go; she was angry with his company for giving him this nice
"reward" that felt like torture to her.  She knew that, however much fun her
husband would manage to have in Hawaii under the circumstances, she would
have very little.  All in all, this event which is every American's idea of
the epitome of luxury and class---a trip to Hawaii---was a bomb for her.  And
all because no one could stretch their minds enough to see that a 4-month-old
nursing baby is still physically a part of her mother, and needs to go where
she goes.  Imagine flying to Hawaii with a baby that age---the perfect age for
air travel---and hanging out in a fancy hotel, having your meals served to you
and the bed made every day by someone else, walking on the beach or strolling
around to see the sights with the baby in a sling---it could be a
perfect vacation.  But, although the mom and I had explored this option, she
was told flat out that she could not bring the baby, and she had chosen not to
push it further.  I think her husband was not keen on bringing the baby with
them---but he certainly hadn't understood the torture his wife would be going
through without the baby.  Other options, like declining the prize with
thanks, or asking for a rain check, or taking someone else---his mother or
father???---had not been explored.