cathy bargar raises some interesting questions, along the lines of "why can
the staff tell the mother what to do and what not to do?" why can't the mother
take charge and insist? i have been posting about my experiences in the nicu
for the last week (seems like years already) with a friend whose baby was born
a month early. bear in mind that this baby has NO health problems, and weighed
3 lbs. 9 oz. at birth, only went down one ounce, and is up to 3' 10" or more
now. he has bottled, tubed, iv'ed, you name it, and all along the idea is that
the staff/nurses/doctors give "permission" for feeding method. as an outsider,
i am obviously not able to insist on anything. the mother is too passive to
insist on anything either, because "they" have her baby and are in control of
her baby, and "they" keep insisting that what they do is necessary. they tell
her the baby is "too tired to nurse and must have a bottle" and if he
absolutely won't take the bottle, they tube him. they only let her nurse him
for "five minutes per side" and then tell her she has to give him  "the rest"
from a bottle.

they have so much misinformation about breastfeeding that one could write a
book just from this one experience. but, they control her baby. they control
her, as well. she is helpless in the face of their control, and even my
information and advice and encouragement is not enough to combat that. it is
too hard for the mom to hear this conflicting advice, or to act on it.
although her baby is not on holding restrictions (of course not, how could
they justify that?) they make it obvious she is NOT to hold him because it
"tires him out."

i bet if you asked them they would say, sure, we can do kangaroo care, but
they don't do it, don't offer, and resist all the "normal" things i suggest.
kathy a. posted to me privately recently about this very feeling that parents
have, that your baby is under the control of the staff and if you disagree
with them, you, as a parent, have a dreadful feeling that the staff can "exact
retribution" and "cause" something to happen to your baby, or "let" something
happen to your baby. of course this sounds impossible, and nobody in the nicu
would let your baby get sick or die on purpose. but i have already seen this
type of retribution take place in this nicu this week, so i can say that it is
not an overreaction on the part of the parents.

but the same people don't realize that they are working towards ruining
breastfeeding and the normal bonding of the parents with the baby by their
management. and they are working hard and succeeding mightily. of course we
can say that parents need to be well-informed before the baby comes, so they
can demand the kind of treatment they want and feel is right. but, we know
that those kinds of parents are rare, and what is really needed is for things
to change so that the parents don't have to demand this, but are given this
type of help and support from the first.

i'm not sure if you are referring to something i said about the sns, maybe it
was on another post as well, but i think what i mentioned is that the hospital
LCs don't even have an SNS to use with their patients, and the neonatologist
would not allow finger feeding "because you can't tell how much they are
getting, if some dribbles out." i can't even get a reasonable answer together
to that remark.

carol brussel IBCLC