Chanita writes:
>Do you walk up to a mother with a obviously physically challenged child =
or the mother of a Down's Syndrome child, and say "Oh, how sad."   No, you
don't.

After picking myself up off the floor from laughing, I have to admit that
No, the participants in LactNet most likely would NOT say something like
that to the mother of a child with Down Syndrome, but lots of other people
would and have.  Just off the top of my head, a sampling of comments that
have been made to me in front of my child with Down Syndrome in the past 12
years:

"Oh, how sad"

"Oh, what a shame"

"Oh, what a tragedy"

"Oh, how hard that must be for your family"

"What's the matter with him?"

"Why is he so funny looking?"

"Why didn't you have an abortion?"

"I don't have to worry about THAT, because I'm only 34"  (My personal fave)

"I don't have to worry about THAT, because I never did drugs"

"I don't have to worry about THAT, because I eat a healthy diet"

"Is THAT a Mongoloid idiot"
[My response: "No, Peter is not a Mongoloid idiot.  But you're an American
idiot."]

"Don't worry honey, he'll grow out of it."  (A close second for favorite)


Miranda has a t-shirt she got at a Down Syndrome Association of Houston
picnic.  It shows a young boy with Down Syndrome playing baseball, and it
reads:  "My problem is not how I look.  My problem is how you see me."  Fits
a lot of situations!!

I don't see why we need to tiptoe around.  The vast majority of people who
bottle-feed haven't never given the alternative a thought.  It is as
offensive to me as someone screaming at or hitting their child.  I try to
remember that it may be expressed breast milk in the bottle and a shy mom,
but it is very unlikely that most of us will ever run into anyone who truly
couldn't have breastfed given the right information, motivation, and
support.  As a general principle of making the world a better place, I don't
make rude comments to people, about anything, unless they make a rude
comment to me first (see above).

I must take this opportunity to thank the Kathleens for beginning LactNet.
I really enjoy and appreciate all the different viewpoints on this list and
feel like I have a huge circle of friends and helpers in my work.  So thanks
to all of you.  :)







Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D.
Associate Professor of Anthropology and Nutrition
Texas A&M University