I meant to send this directly to ekua, but didn't copy the full E-mail
address. I don't know if I can add anything to Liz's post, but...
I think the main issue here is the mother's parenting style - should it have
to change drastically simply because her husband leaves? I say NO. If they
were still together in the same house, whether as a couple or not, the father
would not be taking the baby away for overnight visits without the mom, why
should he need to do it simply because he left? Why punish the child, and
alter the parenting that this mom was able to provide her other children? We
have to start acting like the grown-up we claim to be - if this overnight
separation from mom was not part of the family style before the split, why
should it be now? It does not become in the interest of the child no matter
where the father lives. He's the grown-up - he could spend small, frequent
amounts of time with the baby IN the house for the time being. If he's truly
interested in building a relationship with the baby, this should satisfy
everyone. If he just wants to take the baby away from the mother, his motives
are suspect anyway. If they don't get along as adults, she could go out for a
while with a pager in case the baby needed her.
     Just because SOME mothers leave their infants regularly doesn't mean
this mother should have to. There may be lots of negative emotions floating
around here, but there should be a way that this father and mother can make
sure this baby spends time with Dad without jeopardizing his current
relationship with mom. The cultural expectations which obscure normal
mother-baby relationships may make this difficult to sell, but it if we can
just get the adults to act like adults, things should work out. There will be
plenty of time to add visitation time as the months, and years pass, in a
time frame that works for everyone, especially the littlest one.
              Judy Fram, freezing in Brooklyn