One way to encourage parents to be assertive in the hospital is to encourage
them, in prenatal classes (which many of you teach or have input into) to
find out what all the hospital policies are, what their doctor's policies
are (including his/her partners if someone other than your doctor may be
on-call the night you go into labor) and then figure out for themselves
what parts they agree with and accept, and what parts they don't. Then
discuss it with your doctor and the head maternity/post-partum nurse, put it
in writing, make copies, and ask everyone to sign it. Some women do this
for how they want/hope labor to progress, but their "Birth Plan" stops once
the baby is delivered. It should be extended until the time they leave the
hospital.
People tend to forget that they are the consumers in the relationship, that
they are paying for services (through their pay-check withholding if via an
insurance company) and that they are in charge. You need to *know* what the
policies are first, though, that's the first step, and while in the throes
of labor, or while recovering right after delivery, are NOT the times to
find out what the policies are or to contest them or negotiate about them.
It is YOUR body, YOUR baby, and YOUR right to refuse any services they
offer, or to refuse to follow their "policies" if you don't agree/approve.
They can't arrest you for holding your baby. You have the right to check
yourself out of the hospital against medical advice -- you are NOT their
PRISONER. Nor is your baby.
When I had Alex, I simply *refused* to let them take him away from me, at
any time, for any reason. I said I didn't care how much he weighed -- and
there's no law saying a baby has to be weighed right after it is born (he
wasn't weighed until the next day). I said he was NOT having a bath,
because he wasn't going anywhere that he had to be clean (while walking the
halls during labor I had seen the post-partum nurse scrubbing the bejeezes
out of the poor baby that had just been born. He was screaming bloody
murder, of course.) I insisted on having him in my arms, in my bed, at all
times, including when he was asleep. I insisted my 11 year old be allowed
to spend the night with me (hubby had gone home to be with 6 year old).
That was *against hospital policy* they said, but I had cleared it with the
head nurse before time, so the one on duty that night had to acquiesce. I
refused to let Alex go to the nursery for morning rounds by the
pediatrician, even though the hospital said it was absolutely strict orders
of the doctor that all babies be in the nursery for rounds. I said "Thank
you very much, I'll deal with Dr. Foster when she comes in. If she's mad at
me, I'll deal with it." Dr. Foster was *amazed* to find out that the nurses
had told me this, as it was NOT her orders that all babies had to be in the
nursery, and she was happy to check Alex out in my room. She gave me a copy
of her standing orders, and they did NOT include all babies in the nursery
during rounds. I think the nurses at this hospital are all on major
power-trips about who the baby belongs to. I think many of them went into
this specialty because they like holding babies, feeding babies, and
generally acting like only they know how to care for a newborn and the
mothers can't possible do it right. Given this attitude, it's amazing that
they let mothers take the babies home with them.
We must encourage mothers to be clear about what they want, and to be
assertive. If you have it in writing ahead of time, then you can just wave
the paper at the nurse, and not have to summon your energies when you are
exhausted. Or your spouse or significant other or birth coach or friend can
be your protector.
End of rant.
Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D.
Associate Professor
Department of Anthropology and Nutrition
Texas A&M University
Co-editor of "Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives"
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